Sidelines.

Hey, you lovely crew of misfit perverts! We feel like we've been a little out of it lately in regards to the blog. We missed yesterday and have been a bit spotty. We wanted to let you know that this is due to a number of factors, but largely factors that, once we reveals what they are, you'll be mighty fucking pleased.

In the meantime, we'lll continue posting as much as we can and hope that you'll hang in there with us. Asking us questions on Formspring always helps guide our brains toward new stories, so please ask away.

(Note: Enough with the questions about lube recommendations. If you're asking, you're not reading our blog, we've answered that about three times in a month.)

Sometimes, we take a lot of photos and we just have a few that don't quite fit into the post. Whether it's their lack of visible cock ring for a toy review or a similar shot to another already lovely photo, we keep some off to the side.

Here's what the side looks like:

Have you tried the 30 minute orgasm technique from the UK askmen site?

Well, not exactly. That is to say - never followed that technique specifically. Although, it does sound a bit like carefully rhythmic multiple orgasms which - because I am a very lucky woman - I do have quite regularly. Interesting, though. And maybe something we'll have to give a try!

Anyone else out there given this a whirl? We'd love to hear about it!

*Update: Anyone who has not already checked out Liza's tale of this particular adventure should go read it RIGHT NOW.*

Do you know or have any opinion about the best way to navigate a FWB relationship to try to lead it into a committed relationship or to at least stay on friendly terms after or if it ends?

These things can be quite tricky. To be honest, I've never quite understood the expression 'Friends with Benefits'. It seems to me that the best committed relationships end up being with people who you would consider friends. There should also be benefits. Lots and lots of hot, dirty benefits.

But, I do understand that in most of these situations we are talking about a non-monogamous relationship. Which, I'm assuming is your situation. The answer really depends on your end goal. If you'd simply like to stay on friendly terms after the benefits go away, here is the secret: don't be a jerk. Be kind, be honest, be transparent about your reasons and then do your best to not picture each other naked when you see each other in public. And certainly, certainly do not be jealous if and when they find someone else to, er, benefit.

Translating a fuck buddy into a significant other is tricky business, indeed. But actually, my advice here is not much different. Be kind, be honest, be transparent. Also, be generous with the orgasms. Make it impossible for them to imagine being with someone else. But most importantly, talk about it. Talk about everything. The worst thing that happens to friends who have benefits is that one of the friends develops feelings that they don't share. Those feelings evolve and grow into, sometimes, genuine love. To blindside someone with those kinds of feelings can overwhelm them.

So JUST TALK ABOUT IT. Okay? The kind of person who receives orgasm after orgasm from you, cares enough about you to be your friend, but then doesn't want to date you? Well, frankly, they're using you. If that's alright with you, stick around, by all means! Being used can be lovely sometimes. But once you have real feelings, you have to make real choices. For your own sanity and the sake of your friendship.

Wiener Porn.

Just so you're all prepared, what follows is full-on, hardcore, unadulterated wiener porn. Sizzling hot lengths of meat. Tube steaks.

Bark Butter: Why Every Hot Dog Needs a Little More Pork Fat from SkeeterNYC on Vimeo.

Well, the kind that you eat. Wait, the kind that you swallow. Shit, you guys, the kind that are made from beef and pork and get slathered with mustard and sauerkraut!*

Clamp Down.

Oh, guys. I wanted to like nipple clamps. I swear, I did. We really did give it a go a few times, but I just have to tell you: I do not like nipple clamps.

But, that's never stopped us from giving you some titty pictures, has it?

Expert Guide to Pegging.

Guys. Someone made a film about pegging.

AND it's not a femdom, D/s, sissy-boy thing. It's just a film that shows pegging as a part of everyday sex acts. And a fun, fresh approach to fooling around. AS IT SHOULD BE.

Sure, bring those other elements to it if you must, but ultimately, pegging isn't and shouldn't be some odd fetish that we all need to be ashamed about.

You probably already own dildos. Or your partner does, if you don't. Maybe you don't have a strap-on, but you probably tried putting one of those dildos in your butt. Amiright? And it probably felt AWESOME.

Here's why: IT FEELS AWESOME.

(Please use this link to find our very well documented history of pegging.)

You Need To Have This.

That's right. Lelo just released the Tor II. You need to have it. And we mean have it, like, NOW. Go into debt if you have to.*

BECAUSE HOLY FUCK THIS TOY IS AWESOME.

This is one of the ads, which is a little too Ron Burgundy via James Bond for us. You'll probably like our photos better.

Here's why:

1. It turns your cock into a vibrator.
2. It TURNS YOUR COCK INTO A VIBRATOR.

See what we mean? You like this WAY better.

Yep, that's pretty much all you need to know. But since you're so greedy, we'll let you in on a bit more...

Do you each know how many partners you've had? Any issues?

Totally. We've actually answered this same sort of question a few times:

http://uncommonappetites.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-many-partners-have-two-of-you-had.html

http://uncommonappetites.blogspot.com/2011/02/violet-how-many-guys-have-you-fucked.html

As for issues, most certainly not. We actually think it's weird that people really care about who and how many people their partners have fucked. Ultimately, it's just brought them to you, and hopefully with considerable bedroom skills. If V was boning lots of people before we got together, it's because she really enjoys sex and knows how to get it. I can say this is still true, so nothing has changed in that department.

Ask us anything. Make it filthy.

Food and Hot Men in Suits.

Honestly. That's it. We love how this video looks, we love how it sounds. Rye and I were sold on this video inside the first few shots of black and white kitchen action. Especially hacking up that t-bone.

We love the idea of locking a few single girl and guy friends in this room and not letting them out until they've fucked at least a few of these gentlemen. This is a lunch date wonderland for anyone who loves beards, hidden tattoos under suits, old Italian guys, fine tailoring and steak. Does anyone not love those things? Not to mention a surprise Kanye West appearance!

 

The Sartorialist: Lunch for 25 from The Sartorialist on Vimeo.

If you are not already acquainted with The Sartorialist, you should most definitely lose a little time there. It is total stylish-people-porn. 

Deep Throat Defined.

Guys.

Listen.

Normally, we wouldn't share a video that's this straightforward, direct and, to be frank, a little icky? But FUCK. What this woman does to this cock? The length she can take it down? It just needs to be seen.

So, we HAD to share it, you see. We literally had no choice. Just as we've shown women sitting on cocks that just look TOO BIG before, we've got to show you this blowjob.

We're sure you'll understand.