Cheap Pizza and Tits.

Some nights, after you've been sick for a little too long and are more than a bit burned out, only one remedy will do.

Pizza.
Naked.
Couch.

And so it was.

Did You Misplace Your Rubber Pussy? China Found It.

Did anyone lose their rubber vagina/anus (sorry, I mean, "rare mushroom"). Maybe it's in China...

Guys, this is the most insane thing I think I've ever seen. And I've seen a LOT of insane shit. I can't stop laughing. Someone call for help.

Via Reddit.

Farewell to Prime Burger.

Yes, we've posted this before.
And yes, we're posting it again.

Because today, Prime Burger will serve its last burger.
Yep. The building was sold and they will cease to be after today.

Farewell, Prime! We hope you come back soon, in a new location. And yet, somehow, we doubt it.

Let's Make Raspberry Pie!

Let's make it is fucking right! We love this video for several reasons:

1. It's almost raspberry season. Which means we're fucking JONESING for those sweet, nipple looking berries. You know, to put in our face holes.

2. St. Vincent. Because who can ever really get enough of St. Vincent? If you don't listen to her, please change that.

3. It's pretty as shit. And a lattice? No one makes a goddamn lattice for their pies anymore! Craziness! Lattice away, for I wish to do filthy things to that deep red pie. Mostly with my tongue.

Let's Make Raspberry Pie from Ben Derico on Vimeo.

Half-Smoke Worship

If you've never been to Ben's Chili Bowl, you've never been to one of my favorite places on the planet. Just in case you are one of these poor lost souls, we found you this.

The History of Ben's Chili Bowl from Zoeann Murphy on Vimeo.

I've got a thing for late night greasy spoons (in case you had not already guessed), and I was in love with Ben's the first time I ever crossed the threshold. There isn't much that I can say better than Bill Cosby and the Ali family, so watch and drool for yourself. And let's go get a half-smoke next time we're in DC. Happy weekend, chili faces.

You Feel That, Right?

Can you feel it? The warm breeze on the back of your neck? The sting of sunshine on your bare feet? The steam burn of a too-hot crawfish right out of the boil? Yeah. Us too.

Memorial Day Crawfish Boil from Jen Tank on Vimeo.

I mean, yes, this video is a little shaky, a little all over the place, but isn't that kind of how memories of summer feel? I mean, you could lay Louis' rendition of La Vie En Rose over a Civil War re-enactment and I would think it's super romantic (no offense to any Living Historians* in our midst). There's also something surprisingly charming about capturing the faces of people expecting to be photographed on video. Big smiles, held for just a little too long, with a beer in your hand. That's kind of the framework we're building our lives on here.

We're so close, everyone. Now, if you'll excuse us, our roof and our beer coozies are calling. Happy weekend, lovelies!

* But seriously, what are you people doing with your lives? 

The Best Thing I Ever Done.

Pizza.

Yeah, just seeing the word makes us feel feelings too. We had a reader request yesterday to add a video about pizza to our growing list of local food videos we've been giving to you on weekends. And of course we knew the perfect one.

DiFara.

The name here is bandied about any time someone asks about the best pizza in New York (this is a frequent conversation, and EVERYONE has an opinion, and it's ALWAYS an agressive one).

Here's what DiFara has going for it: this guy's been making every single pizza his restaurant puts out. That's right. EVERY pizza. Since he was 26.

And now for a sad admission: we've never been. I know. I know. It's certainly something we feel bad about. And among the list of best pizzas in NYC, the only place we haven't tried.

We're people that make extra time on east coast road trips to pop in for a Frank Pepe's pie, so it's shocking to us as well. Even with the increasingly frequent health department closures. Perhaps watching this video will drive us to finally head out there and deal with the fucking line and the hour or two wait for a perfect (and maybe slightly unsanitary?) pie.

Or we might just go to Totonno's again...

The Best Thing I Ever Done HQ from Margaret Emily MacKenzie on Vimeo.

Sorry, the filmmaker won't allow embedding of this video, but click the link above to get your Brooklyn pizza on.

We need a pizza video to go along with all the other side items. Not all of us live in Brooklyn and can see, smell and taste real pizza!

Deal. Keep those eyes peeled tomorrow!

Ask us anything. Make it filthy.

They're Food People.

We're sex people.
We're music people.
We're comedy people.

But if someone we knew were to define us by our single biggest passion, they would say, without exception:

They're food people.

A Formspring Friday.

Ok, so we know this is biting the style of some other bloggers, namely Liza over at Always Each Other, but having done Formspring for a LONG time, this actually seems like a pretty good way to respond, combining into one column like this. This likely won't remain a "thing", as you probably know by now that we're not big on the schedule thing, but it was certainly fun for today. Questions in bold, responses are not in bold, imagine that!

Thanks to all of you that asked us questions, if you've got one, hit us up!

Delicately Manipulating Our Carnal Chords.

What I am about to show you reduced me to a drooling, babbling mess that could not complete a sentence until I ate sushi for lunch. I wish I were exaggerating. If I were exaggerating, it would make me a much more normal, sane and productive person. But, since that is no fun, the single most staggering piece of food porn I've seen in months. Click play right now, please.

Okay. How do you feel? Are you alright? Here is what I just said to Rye about this, "I mean that piece of tuna is just the most vaginal-- look. I want to put it in my mouth. I want to hold it there and appreciate it, then chew it, swallow it, and make it become a part of my body."

I don't know, you guys. The way this is filmed, the color on each piece of sushi, individually, the care with which he brushes each piece with exactly the correct amount of soy. It stirs something guttural within me. Something carnal. It delicately manipulates the same chord that great porn does. Which, clearly, is why we share this motherfucking nerdery with you all. Because we know you agree.

Oh, darling, you have some drool on the front of your shirt. Let's get you out of those wet clothes. Right after we go immediately for sushi.

Wiener Porn.

Just so you're all prepared, what follows is full-on, hardcore, unadulterated wiener porn. Sizzling hot lengths of meat. Tube steaks.

Bark Butter: Why Every Hot Dog Needs a Little More Pork Fat from SkeeterNYC on Vimeo.

Well, the kind that you eat. Wait, the kind that you swallow. Shit, you guys, the kind that are made from beef and pork and get slathered with mustard and sauerkraut!*

Food and Hot Men in Suits.

Honestly. That's it. We love how this video looks, we love how it sounds. Rye and I were sold on this video inside the first few shots of black and white kitchen action. Especially hacking up that t-bone.

We love the idea of locking a few single girl and guy friends in this room and not letting them out until they've fucked at least a few of these gentlemen. This is a lunch date wonderland for anyone who loves beards, hidden tattoos under suits, old Italian guys, fine tailoring and steak. Does anyone not love those things? Not to mention a surprise Kanye West appearance!

 

The Sartorialist: Lunch for 25 from The Sartorialist on Vimeo.

If you are not already acquainted with The Sartorialist, you should most definitely lose a little time there. It is total stylish-people-porn. 

This Must Be the Place.

Here we are. Another weekend, another lifestyle post. and yes, it's about food again.

PRIME from thismustbetheplace on Vimeo.

To be fair, the last video wasn't as much about food as it was about craft. But for a product that is used exclusively for food. This one isn't even borderline, it's just straight up about food. Burgers, in fact.

But it's also more than that. It's about a business. And old, still thriving business in Manhattan. Among all the chains, the fancy new joints with reclaimed barn wood and local brews on tap. This one is a throwback. And it makes me yearn for not only more places like it, but for a tasty burger during a cold winter afternoon.

Oh, and it should also be said that this video series hits right where it counts. After all, it's named after one of our favorite songs EVER. Talking Heads, 4eva!

See you at Prime!

Food Porn (or, How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Embrace All of Our Fetishes, Sexual or Non).

This may seem like it comes completely out of left field. But if you know us at all, you know that we're food people. Most of our life here in Brooklyn is driven by food. Cocktails. Speciality markets. Farmers' markets. And the sheer quantity of like-minded people that surround us at all times.

Our pleasures lie in the most basic pleasures of life. We like good food, good booze, good sex and good art. And we don't ever tire of any of them. Constantly searching for the next amazing thing to eat, that booze we hadn't heard of yet and just how to use it, a cooking technique or ingredient we've never encountered, a record that knocks us on our ass.

Happy New Year's!

What more could you perverts want to ring in the new year, while ringing out the old year (btw, kinda fuck 2011, for reasons we've never quite gotten into on here, but then don't fuck yourself, 2011, in the world of this blog, which was fucking amazing for us) than an ass, covered in oil, milk, honey and champagne?

Or, more correctly, what more could we want? Aside from sticking our faces right up in there as the bubbly spills over the might fine ass of the mighty fine Sovereign Syre?

GIMME THAT ASS!!!

As folks contemplating a career that requires being naked on screen, how do you keep in shape? Just yoga? More?

Oh, we're supposed to be in shape? I mean, I guess you could say we are... a shape? 

In all seriousness, that's something we've given a little bit of thought to. Mostly it's yoga, walking everywhere because we live in New York City without a car, a lot of fucking and just eating really well. We eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and are careful and aware of where our food comes from. If we do end up doing this for a living, it will certainly be a big priority for us to keep our tight bits tight and our jiggly bits jiggly for all of you perverts.

Oh, and a lot of fucking, did I mention that?

Ask us anything. Make it filthy.

Now that we know what you like to cook and eat, what do you drink? Favorite cocktail?

Violet - Definitely the Aviation. Cool, refreshing, lemony, earthy, gin-ny. Add a splash of Creme Yvette and I'm a puddle.

Aviation: Gin, Maraschino, lemon juice, a bit of Creme Yvette. Served UP.

Rye - I love a Manhattan, I love a Martini, I love an old fashioned, I love a Hemingway daiquiri. But fuck, you just can't beat the Negroni. And flame that orange peel!

Negroni: Gin, Campari, sweet vermouth. Orange peel (some add an orange slice, but I don't need it). Served on the rocks.

What are your favorite things to cook and to eat? Other than avocado!

Rye: While we're not HUGE meat-eaters, I really can make the fuck out of a burger. It's all about the well seasoned cast iron skillet and a good (high) fat content. And the toppings are always fun and different. Last go round, we did a smattering of Old Bay mayonnaise. HOTNESS.

A kitchen trick we still need to learn.

V, a question for the ladies: Got any tips for keeping a devourable v-zone?

Why yes, of course. Beyond the obvious (please be clean, groom how you see fit), and I know this sounds ridiculous: pineapple. Lots and lots of pineapple.

I'm not completely sure what the chemical reason behind this is, probably lots of sugars and vitamins stored up in the sex organs of plants that you're eating (guys, that's what fruit is, I'm not making this up), make your organs tasty as well.

This also applies to fresh strawberries. When I say fresh I mean summertime, tiny little bites of juicy freshness, not the gargantuan, hardened old bitches you can buy in the grocery store in February. Once, after bingeing on strawberries for the entirety of a summer, I gave Rye a blowjob and when he came it tasted like CANDY. Not like, oh, it was so sweet, it could have been candy. IT TASTED LIKE REAL LIFE CANDY.

Again, not a chemist, but probably putting good things in makes good things come out? I hope you have the same results. Please report back.