Another One Bites The Dust

So, we told another friend about our secret life as V+R. A friend we don't see terribly often, but have known for quite a while. A friend who is chronically difficult to impress. A friend we expected to roll his eyes and say, "ugh, of course you do." He's a curmudgeon, which is why we like him.

The response we actually got really threw us for a loop, "Holy shit. No wonder you guys are so happy together." After we'd recovered from our hearts growing a size, it really made us think.

A dramatic representation of my heart growing a size. It busted that flimsy shirt right open!
Three years in, it's crazy how much we're still learning from this experience.

Our friend's unintentional shock and awe campaign of flattery is still kind of sinking in. Firstly, the capacity for this person to be overwhelmingly positive has been, for the decade plus that we've known him, fairly limited. Second, an outsider spontaneously noting that it's easy to tell that Rye and are "so happy" together was like getting kissed on the cheek by a unicorn. I know it. He knows it. But having that fact reaffirmed by someone else never gets old. And finally, he finally set in stone for me the idea that sharing the most intimate details of your lives as two people in love, banging each other endlessly and letting the internet in on the whole thing could actually actively make people happier together.

It kind of took my breath away. The raw, unfiltered truth of it. Not only has this been a lot of fun, not only have we learned a lot about each other and a lot about other people, but it's actually made us better together.

So, I guess, what I'm breathlessly grasping at here is, "thanks." Thanks for reading, thanks for watching, thanks for commenting, thanks for asking us questions. Thanks for caring and sharing (I swear to God I am not going to break into song), thanks for asking us for advice and giving some to us along the way.

The real truth is that the most concretely describable way that Uncommon Appetites has made Rye and I better together, is that it's made us more comfortable being completely ourselves. And you guys have had a lot to do with that. By being excited and encouraging and shouting, "OH MY GOD, ME TOO," from your respective corners of the internet. We feel more comfortable with our bodies, our sexual desires, our personal kinks and asking for exactly what we want than we ever have in our lives. It's an amazing feeling and we hope you guys are feeling it too.

It's in this spirit that I want to share a brief anecdote about a really fucking ridiculous thing that happened yesterday.

This weekend, due to forces beyond our control, will be spent entirely with out of town family. It's always a pleasure to see them all, but you know how much we value naked weekend mornings and languidly banging all over the apartment in the afternoons. Yesterday morning, hung over from an evening of absolutely decadent revelry with friends (by absolutely decadent I mean all the PBR in Brooklyn, basically), we had to throw our "appropriate for public consumption" personas on pretty quickly. It was a race against the clock. We needed to consume as much coffee as possible, clean up the apartment a bit, bathe ourselves, dress ourselves, look presentable and be prepared for a lot of chit chat.

But also I really needed to come.

As Rye dutifully (I mean bless him, seriously) began sweeping, I attached myself to him from behind, shoved my hands into his underwear and did one of the things on this earth I know how to do best, coaxed a boner out of him.

"What do you think you're doing?"
"Milking you?"

The trip to the bedroom was swift. I bent myself over the bed, asked him to find his way inside my already totally wet vagina, and plugged in the Hitachi. "Oh, it's going to be quick," he said. Race against time, HELLO, of course. The combination of his cock being exactly where I needed it, the Hitachi smoothly circling my clit and his fingers clutching my hips took me over the edge in roughly two minutes. I came the only way someone with familial anxiety can come when they really need to -- hard, like a freight train. And then, something else happened. I farted. Like, a big, unmistakeable one right in the middle. And then I laughed, and then we kept going, and then Rye came, and then I laughed some more.

Although I am blushing as I type this, I think it's really important to tell you this nonsense. Because the truth is that before we were Violet and Rye, before Uncommon Appetites and Make Love Not Porn and all of your amazing stories and queries and honesty came into our lives, I probably would have spontaneously combusted with embarrassment. Just shriveled up and died. Which is so stupid, because in truth, it happens to all of us, and really just signals that we have let all our inhibitions go and given ourselves over to getting fucked good and hard.

But, it's still embarrassing no matter how you slice it. I blushed. I apologized. More than once. Rye said, "You're being ridiculous. And honestly, I thought it was a queef until you started laughing." And then it was over. We went on with our day.

So again, thanks for relaxing my inhibitions. Thanks for making us feel honest. Thanks for being honest and revealing things to us that you've never revealed to anyone else. It's making us better, it's making us more comfortable, it's making us happier. And we really hope we're doing the same for some of you.


  1. Thank you for sharing, because with your shared stories and experiences, it does make one (at least this reader) feel less 'weird', about sexual preferences and experimenting with my partner. Even though it sounds strange to think mention feeling less alone when talking about something so intimate and private. Thank you for the thought out posts and the good reading you + Rye provide (and hot pics!).

    As to farting during sex, also happened to me! I came, farted, felt mortified, laughed uncontrollably and he came. In retrospect, I am still embarrassed but these things happen and I find it charming to be able to laugh during sex.

    Thank you again, and please continue writing. Not for your readers but for yourselves because I feel that will be the most intimate and real.

    1. So nice to hear! Thank you so much for the kind words. And so glad we're all in this together. ; )

      - V+R

  2. Hi!

    You're welcome. And thank you!

    Um yeah. Yup. Ok, so after having been together (sexually) for 13 years, and married for nine, I always think that my husband and I have had the most embarrassing things happen to us during sex, EVER, until something worse happens.

    And it is always fucking funny.

    Within the last few years though, we've started on this trend of cracking each other up so much during foreplay that we end up delaying sex for quite a while, which has its own charms.

    Recent Example, naked in bed together. Kid's asleep. We're all sexy. And then:

    Bruce: So the next time we're fucking, I want you to close your eyes and pretend I'm Ann Coulter.

    Me: What makes you think I don't already?

    Bruce: Um. Because you come?

    Oh my god, we have the best conversations EVER in our household.

    Anyway, YAY for your curmudgeonly friend being supportive and awesome. That makes me happy. And curmudgeons are hot.

    Secondly, unicorns have been such a theme in my world today. So awesome.

    Off to go watch that Ke$sha video where she makes out with unicorns and fires rainbow guns at James Vanderbeek. That is the best dream I never had.


    1. HA HA HA! Yay for unicorns and curmudgeons and Ann Coulter. (Okay, maybe not the last thing.)

      - Violet

  3. So I'm wondering; you guys have discussed this before here on the blog. Doesn't it bother you or creep you out to know what, now that you've come out to someone close to you, that they will now be looking at everything you've put out and know what alllll of your intimate bits look like, how you fuck, how much you come, what your penis looks like, etc, etc?

    I mean, I'm pretty open sexually, but I would die before any of my friends knew what I looked like naked or what I sounded like when I was fucking. I won't even have sex usually if someone else is staying in my apartment, or I'm living in a house with a roommate. It's just uncomfortable for me, I can't relax and enjoy it fully.


    1. Glad you asked, VG, because of course that was one of the first things that came up when we first considered telling our friends about Uncommon Appetites. The truth is, it really doesn't bother us at all. Way less than we even expected. We're both pretty comfortable with our bodies, how we look, the things we like, and so it feels a bit like we're practicing-what-we-preach when we insist that everyone just CALM DOWN about socializing sex.

      It's this thing we all do, but (most of us) never talk about. To tell you the truth, it's kind of liberating to just let go and let people know things about you. You'd be surprised who else will be excited and relieved to share what they're into.

      - Violet

  4. That's a good attitude all around about it I think. And I'm honestly not surprised by your response being that, because it fits you guys perfectly :)

    I think for me personally though, it kind of creeps me out to think that my friends would know what my ass crack or tits looked like in detail, or what I sounded like during sex. I do think I'll venture into posting online like you guys do (I'm on MLNP as well, which I LOVE)...but I can't do the face thing online. Or tell my friends I don't think. If they end up finding my video within all the online smut available, so be it. I don't want to offer it up to them though you know?

    1. So happy to hear you're considering joining in on MLNP! And to each their own with regards to what you are comfortable sharing. You might find that it changes in time, or that it never does. Either way, we find that being open to change is healthier and we don't regret a thing about what we've shared so far, which is definitely important.