Violet, or Rye, or both - any suggestions regarding amateur anal for a couple? Tried it for the first time tonight (albeit in the shower), but my girlfriend ended up pretty sore. Any advice would help (lube, position, pace etc.). Cheers!

OH MY. Oh. Shower? OH NO.

Okay. It was a good idea. Steamy, warm, relaxing. All great things. Unfortunately for you and your girlfriend's b-hole, the butt does not self-lubricate. Which means that you need lots of lube for things to go well. And in a shower, any natural moisture or oils or anything that may have helped will be washed away. Which is why she's probably feeling a little tender at the moment. This is an unbelievably common mistake, so you definitely shouldn't feel too badly, but you should probably buy her a bottle of champagne and give her a massage, just to be on the safe side.

GIRL, I feel for you. But don't be scared off. Anal can feel absolutely amazing and be something that you love. Treat yo self to a few days off. Then, you guys, when you are both healed and ready, try again like this:

Hit up Babeland (excellent internet presence if you're not near a store-front) or Eden Fantasys for some lube specifically designed for anal play. We like Maximus because it's super thick and sticks around for the long haul, which is especially important when you're exploring anal sex. I cannot stress this enough, when you are having anal sex, there can NEVER be enough lube. Lube is your friend. Your friend who gives you screaming orgasms and makes the neighbors nervous.

When Rye and I have anal sex, I like to be warmed up with at least one solid orgasm. If you guys don't have one, getting a nice, strong bullet or investing in a Hitachi Magic Wand to use on her clit will make a world of difference in terms of relaxing her muscles and making her happy. Ladies, if you don't have either one of these things, RE-EVALUATE THAT, you should.

Once she's good and warmed up, start slowly - SLOWLY - while paying very close attention to her clit. My favorite position for anal so far is to be on my back with Rye on top, this way I can take good care of my clit and we can both see each other's reactions to how things are feeling. To be 100% honest with you guys, anal always hurts a bit for me at first. I am pretty small and Rye's cock is anything but. The reason this works for us is because Rye is patient, gentle and pays quite serious attention to how I'm feeling. Patient and slow, right up until the point that I ask him to give it to me hard. Which ends up happening inevitably.

Above all, try again. Don't be afraid. And save shower anal for the pros, you guys!


  1. I would agree, keep trying, it can feel amazing. But, it pretty much always hurts at the start, but just for the teensiest bit. My tip would be relax, and use a great lube. Position wise I favour spoons, and then he can reach around for the magic button while I back up onto him, taking it at my pace always works for me. And that pace is slowly, a little at a time, stopping when it hurts and then continuing as it subsides. Good luck :)

  2. Mr. Darcy and I only tackled anal @ 6 mos. ago as part of our overall sex life renewal after 16 years together, 12 married. Thankfully I've never been sore yet. I'm no expert, but we're having fun experimenting.

    We've tried several positions, including face to face, rear/doggie, rear with me on my belly, and most recently spoons. We use a silicone lube. I actually don't like it when it's excessively slippery--too easy to slide out.

    My ass is super sensitive and I've had to safe word from excessive sensation more than once. Not pain, but the sensations are so intense that sometimes it's too much. That's what led to spoons recently and it was amazing. Mr. D takes a long time to come and my poor little booty can't take that much yet.

    Going for anal after a good, slow work up to arousal is awesome. It's also nice to pave the way with some fingers or a toy beforehand. Lubing my ass and putting a vibe or plug in gets me wet like absolutely nothing else. Makes for amazing pre-anal orgasms and gets you slippery for keeping your clit happy beginning to end.

    Have fun!

  3. Great additions, lovelies! Thanks for jumping in with your thoughts. And glad anal is on the table for both of you, it's such a wonderful addition to a fun and adventurous sex life.

    Through Twitter, we also found this post, which is worth a browse for first timers:



  4. This won't work for everyone, but here's another good position to try: if you have a low bed (mine is just two mattresses stacked up on the floor), then the woman can lie down with her ass at the edge and some pillows propping up her head, and the man can kneel on a pillow on the floor facing her.She can then put her legs around the man, on his shoulders (my favourite), etc. and he enters her like this. I tend to keep my hands on his hips so that I have some control over thrusting and this also leaves my clit exposed for a vibrator, his fingers, my fingers, whatever!

    Oh, and I suppose you could also try this with a couch if your bed isn't low enough.

  5. It's also lovely to see the sexy faces he makes while doing this ;) I wouldn't be able to have anal in a position where I couldn't see my partner's face… The sight just makes me to hot and bothered to give up!

  6. Wow, thanks for that link-love, Voracious! I'm all tingly now.
    Just to add, another good position to start with is girl-on-top, since this gives her complete control over how fast her ass is filled. Once he's "breached" her all the way, and sliding easily, the couple can always switch positions.

  7. Ladies... if you're not sure yet and would like to practice a bit, consider my services. Hi, I'm Anal Buddy. Sign up now for my "What What in the Butt" package and you'll get the following: mind-blowing sensations in the anal area of the body, chocolate, the complete Golden Girls DVD collection (includes the "lost" episode where Bea Arthur gets fucked in the ass by Abe Vigoda), Icelandic lessons, and two tickets to see Barry Manilow in Vegas. Wait... that's not all! Act now and I'll throw in two 69's, a glass dildo, and Ron Jeremy. Yours for only $19.99!

  8. Willow - HOT. Gotta try that one. SOON.

    Shelby - Thanks for putting together a great piece, only too happy to share! And yes, girl on top is great, gives you control over the depth and speed for sure.

    Buddha - AMAZING. For real.


  9. Ok, i have to say this is quite amazing!

    I was expecting only V/R to comment, but instead i got that + amazing tips - excellent deal :)

    Thanks for the advice V - i would go to this store you mention, only thing that stands in the way is me living in another country. Hello from Israel! :)

    I think next time i'll let my girlfriend do the talking/other things, and i'm sure it will be better.

    Thanks a bunch for the advice!

    Uncommon Appetites = sanctuary for sex lovers

  10. Tsachi - So happy to help! It's been a long time since I visited, but I bet you'll be able to find a comparable spot locally. Good luck and check back in with us! We'd love to hear how things go.

    - Violet.

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