3.05.2012

On Thank You.

We are so incredibly lucky. You ever get that feeling? You just look around and think, "FUCK. This is good. I am doing it right." That's sort of what my days have felt like lately, and - because I can't help it and this is how I am - I've been trying to take note of what makes me feel that way.

Again, if anyone knows the source of this glorious image, we'd love to know.

Now, bear with me here, because this isn't fully formed in my brain, but what it has to do with is gratitude.

It's tricky to explain, because along with the overwhelming gratitude I feel for how good things are, it is also because of gratitude that I feel that way.

Listen guys, I don't mean to be a dick about this, but I might just be the happiest fucking married woman on the planet. I don't mean to diminish your happiness or really even brag, it's just that things are good around our house. And I think it says a lot about our culture's feelings about marriage and relationships that I kind of have to feel apologetic for saying so. But the fact remains: Rye and I really like each other and are not shy about showing it.

In trying to figure out the recipe to this particular secret sauce, I realized something that I'd never noticed before: we say thank you a lot. Like, a lot. Big things, little things, dinner, dishes, orgasms, favors, glasses of water. Everything seems like fair game for a 'thanks, love.' This is not creepy or pathological, it's just a habit that we unknowingly formed pretty early on. What it's done is made it clear that both of our efforts are always appreciated.

The lengths that that kind of transparency can take you are so amazing. It makes our communication more open and fluid. It makes our sex more adventurous. It makes dinner taste better. It makes trying something new that I may be nervous about, but know Rye is dying to give a go, the easiest decision in the world. Because I know that he is grateful. And I trust that he knows the same for me. It seems so simple, and yet it feels like the basis for having the best fucking partner in the world.

I can't help but feel that any time we feel a little frustrated with our partners, feel like we're not getting what we want and worrying they may feel the same way, maybe we should just fucking say, "Thanks for getting that laundry going." Or, "Thanks for stopping to pick dinner up." Or, "Fuck, I really needed to come. Thank you."

It's certainly not a cure-all, but it's a little step along the way. Thank each other. Thank each other hard. For hours.

10 comments:

  1. Well said guys ! I have been married for 10 years and appreciating each other in every little thing that we do goes a LONG way. It is easy to get complcent in a relationship. Remembering that it is a partnership makes love, friendship, etc. all the better. Again fantiastic that you two recongnize each others accomplishments. :)

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    1. Thank you, Johnny! Glad there are others out there who recognize this secret sauce and put it to good use.

      - Violet.

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  2. You guys is SMAAAAARRRT!

    No seriously, this is a discussion we've had a bunch of times over our nearly 14 years together. We don't always get it right, it's nice to have this reminder. I for one am thrilled for your happiness. It's inspiring. :)

    THANK YOU, loves.

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    1. Anisa, means the world to have you say so. Thank you, dearest. And congratulations on those 14 years!

      - Violet.

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  3. Look here guys. You have hit the proverbial nail on the head. My wife and I have been together for 20 years(married for 18) and being kind to your best friend is the key. Please and thank you, I love you at the end of every phone call and when your head hits the pillow. These are the things that make every day worth living. Not to mention the alarming number of thanks received from one another after incredible orgasms or just a simple back rub.. I really love hearing about relationships built like this, in a world where they just don't seem to last any more. Keep it up, you know what I mean!

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    1. So very true to your name, Gus! Thanks for chiming in with such a nice comment, and for backing up our approach to doing this whole marriage thing. Congrats on the 20 years!

      -Rye

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  4. Wonderful post which brings me to come out and finally say Hello :) I too, feel like I could be the most happily married woman on the planet and it is so nice to find, read, and interact with others who have found the same recipe for success at happiness. Married 20 years...met when we were only 10 yrs old and I seriously could not be happier. It is amazing to me....I truly thought the older you got the less "fun" life would be (in every way) and that is entirely the opposite of the truth! For me, along with gratitude the most wonderful thing has been for both of us to become fully giving to the other. No room for "what about me? What do I get?" It has become instead "What can I do for you today, now in this moment?" And that has been the most rewarding thing I could do for myself. This of course means the sex is out of control, HOT HOT HOT! Thanks to V+R for sharing your love and adding fuel to my fire! ~S

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    1. That's fucking amazing. Seriously. Thanks SO much for the intro, and for finding this blog and being a similarly minded reader! We have the most amazing readers and LOVE getting comments like this. Way to make it work and to put a good name to married life.

      As for adding fuel to that fire, consider us guilty. And very much excited that we'fre able to!

      -Rye

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    2. Oh you're more than welcome ;) And thanks to you guys I've also been inspired to start some sexy writing of my own! The husband is turned on at that thought.
      Love you guys!

      ~Nastassja ;)

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    3. Oh, that's just fucking wonderful! Love inspiring others, especially when you're open with each other about it, makes everything hotter. Good work on your blog so far, keep it up!

      -Rye

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