50 Shades of YECHHHH.

So we realize we haven't talked about 50 Shades of Grey on here. At all.

And we promise we probably won't ever again. For the same reason we don't talk about Twilight or Hunger Games or any other poorly written, young adult skewed boredom. And yes, 50 Shades of Grey is young adult fiction to us, despite the graphic and kinda gross sex writing (the first draft was written with the sadsack vampires from that steampile Twilight in place of the leads, for fuck sake). In our brains, it's in the same field, no matter what anyone will ever say to us. Shit is shit.

A quick aside, stop calling it "my sex"!!! It's your fucking cunt. Your aching pussy. Your quivering quim. Just not your "sex". I just vomited on my keyboard.

Anyway, someone also felt like this book was as silly as we do. And those people are geniuses. Because they hired Gilbert Gottfried.

How did it take us so long to find this???*

Worst Sex Writing of 2010. Really, That Bad.

Each year, The Guardian chooses the worst sex scene from a novel published that year. While the winner apparently faced serious competition from Jonathan Franzen (Really? Does this make me want to read Freedom more or less?), Rowan Somerville ultimately prevailed with his really terrible description of a great act in his book The Shape of Her.

Unfortunately for fans of terrible sex writing, it's only available in England. But we did at least get an excerpt out of this opus.