Almost Twins

I think we all remember how much I loved the LELO Ina. In case you need a memory refresher, I called it the best vibrator ever invented, insisted that you go buy it and even included a David Bowie GIF to convince you. I regret to inform you of some devastating news: the Ina 2 is just not as good.

What I've discovered in the blessed task of reviewing sex toys, is that it's truly a game of inches. In the Ina 2's case, it was an inch in the wrong direction. 

Toying with the Aneros.

I've been putting off a review of the Aneros Maximus for quite some time now. During that time, I've tested the toy again and again. Each time, I end up with the same result, this thing is the fucking tits.

Jimmyjane Casts A Magic Spell On Our Fingertips.

I've had a pretty big crush on Jimmyjane's sex toys for a while now... from afar. For some reason, we'd never met in person before. When Eden Fantasys said they were sending us a Jimmyjane Form 3, I nearly jumped up and down. But once the Form 3 actually arrived, I'll confess to looking at it like a puppy looks at the dot from a laser pointer -- I knew I wanted it, but I just wasn't sure what to do with it.

I have great news. I figured it out. And holy shit, it is way better than a laser pointer.

Flip Out!

While many of you have come to know me as a fan of the prostate and the toys that stimulate it, you might also wish to know that I'm as inexperienced in the ways of male masturbation sleeves as I am familiar with prostate massagers.

That was until the Tenga Fliphole arrived.

Want To Get Your Fucking Socks Knocked Off?

Well, we have to talk about something. It's going to be really hard for me to be objective about it, so you're just going to have to be fucking patient because I'm about to make a lot of declarative statements about a vibrator.  Mmmkay? Here we go.

You need to buy a fucking LELO Ina right fucking now. Do not fucking delay. Buy it for your girlfriend, or wife, or friend who needs to have eleventy orgasms. Buy it for yourself. Buy it for someone you don't even know yet so that when they meet you they'll know how thoughtful you are. Go buy one. Save your pennies if you have to -- I know it's an investment. But just go buy this thing.

Am I being clear enough?

The One Where I Finally Try the Lelo Bob.

How happy are we to live in this modern age? When sex toys are improving on the daily and prostate massage (and all anal play, really) has gone from some taboo subject to just another part of a well rounded sex life. When the male orgasm has gone from relatively one note compared to the female orgasm, to a whole other level of pleasure when you jam something up their ass.

Mind you, my orgasms are never sad by any stretch, but when you put something up my ass, especially something as brilliantly contoured and smooth as the Lelo Bob, the grunts and groans that emit from me are almost caveman-like by comparison.

Clamp Down.

Oh, guys. I wanted to like nipple clamps. I swear, I did. We really did give it a go a few times, but I just have to tell you: I do not like nipple clamps.

But, that's never stopped us from giving you some titty pictures, has it?

Leopard Print.

Our good friends at Eden Fantasys send us sex toys to review from time to time. Recently, we switched things up a bit and had them send us some sexy lingerie instead. We have mixed reviews.

As I'm pretty sure you guys are aware, I'm not much of a lingerie girl. I'd like to be. I really would. There are few barriers.

Hi guys, did you ever give the lowdown on the Bob by Lelo? It's amazing! Wondered what you thought of it. Part of my pegging training, won't be long now! Thanks again, for advice & sexiness!

No, definitely haven't! Eden Fantasys is kind enough to send us different sex toys to test and review, but this hasn't been one of them. We used to buy a new toy every month, but with the testing, it's slowed down. We've got several plugs, but maybe we'll give this a go on our next toy store visit!

And you're more than welcome for the advice and sexiness! Thanks for being a reader and fan of it!

Ask us anything. Make it filthy.

One Way or Another.

Dear procrastinators of the world:

Did you wait until the last minute to buy a gift again? Is your girlfriend going to be disappointed yet again, by your inability to plan ahead and get her a gift that she'll love? Well, lady and gentlemen procrastinators of the world, if you have a bit more money than you have time, I have a suggestion.

Her name is Uma. And she just might make your special lady very wet.

Beaded.

As a well-documented lover of butt stuff, it was obvious upon receiving this set of anal beads that I'd be the one reviewing them for EdenFantasys. That's not to say Violet won't have them coiled up in her fine asshole someday soon. But she gets enough toys to try, so I was all dibs on this bad boy.

At first glance, we didn't love the Flexi Felix. Maybe it was because it reminded us both of the Cheshire Cat, grinning stupidly at us, all bones stripped of meat. But for your butt!

Feather Dusted.

Because of our general, no-nonsense, sex-should-be-honest kind of outlook, Rye and I rarely indulge in novelties. Role playing isn't really something we've ever been into. I don't own a French maid costume or a schoolgirl outfit. Not to say that these things shouldn't be enjoyed if they're what you're into, but so far, none of that really works for us.

What's bad about this? It's kept us from having feather ticklers in our sex toy collection. Thank sweet, feathery heaven that is no longer true.

Plug It In.

Darlings, it's Violet. I have a few confessions:

1) I am extremely greedy when it comes to orgasms. I know, big shocker, but it bears repeating. I really like them. I like as many of them as I can have. And sometimes, I even like them as quickly as I can get them. Which leads me to my second confession:

2) When the Nexus G-Play arrived on our doorstep from Eden Fantasys, my response was not particularly measured or moderated. 

I wouldn't say that I tore the package open, that is probably a bit extreme. What I would say is that once it came out of the package it did not last very long away from the inside of my underpants. 

Fun With Cuffs.

How do you review wrist cuffs?

This was a question we considered numerous times after choosing one of our new sex toys from EdenFantasies. A dildo or an ass toy? We got this. But cuffs...?

Shit, here goes...

They look even better in action. Trust us, you'll want to click through...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.

Hi darlings! I know. It's June. But I'm sort of getting into a particular kind of holiday spirit.

You can thank our favorite pushers of sex toys, Eden Fantasys for this particular lapse into carols, sugarplums and - well - coming.

Why Don't You Shove It Up Your Ass? I'd Be Happy To!

Anyone that reads this here blog knows by now that I'm an ass man. And while yes, that means I'm very much into Violet's ass (eating it, fingering it, fucking it, sucking it), I'm also all about my own tight backdoor.

We've recently ventured into the world of pegging, which, I can't even tell you how world changing that was. And while pegging is fucking hot, sometimes V's not around. And just because we're married and have an unreal sex life doesn't mean I don't also take care of business on my own. And vice versa.

While I want this pretty much always, sometimes your wife goes out of town.

There's Got to Be One.

As you, Rye and I all know, I'm pretty much always down to come. One of the great things about this blog is that it gives he and I new ways to make me do it, even beyond what our own imaginations can come up with. We've got a pretty extensive sex toy collection, but as I get pickier and pickier about quality, materials and effectiveness, some of the old ones have started to get weeded out. This is why, when the lovely people at Eden Fantasys Sex Toys offered Rye and I a toy to review, I was hoping to replace my sad, old, not-particularly-advanced Rabbit-Style vibe. (EF's collection is broad, to say the least, just in case you're also in the market.) I've rarely met a sex toy I didn't like, so I was raring to go as soon as it arrived.

Oh, hello, little one.

What's your favorite sex shop in NYC or online?

Originally form an area with seedy porn shops, we were thrilled to discover a Babeland just around the corner. Needeless to say, we've been frequent (a few times a month?) visitors ever since. They're also online.

And lately, Eden Fantasys has been quite good to us, so check them out online, they've often got some nice deals.

Ask me anything. Make it dirty.