The Best Thing I Ever Done.


Yeah, just seeing the word makes us feel feelings too. We had a reader request yesterday to add a video about pizza to our growing list of local food videos we've been giving to you on weekends. And of course we knew the perfect one.


The name here is bandied about any time someone asks about the best pizza in New York (this is a frequent conversation, and EVERYONE has an opinion, and it's ALWAYS an agressive one).

Here's what DiFara has going for it: this guy's been making every single pizza his restaurant puts out. That's right. EVERY pizza. Since he was 26.

And now for a sad admission: we've never been. I know. I know. It's certainly something we feel bad about. And among the list of best pizzas in NYC, the only place we haven't tried.

We're people that make extra time on east coast road trips to pop in for a Frank Pepe's pie, so it's shocking to us as well. Even with the increasingly frequent health department closures. Perhaps watching this video will drive us to finally head out there and deal with the fucking line and the hour or two wait for a perfect (and maybe slightly unsanitary?) pie.

Or we might just go to Totonno's again...

The Best Thing I Ever Done HQ from Margaret Emily MacKenzie on Vimeo.

Sorry, the filmmaker won't allow embedding of this video, but click the link above to get your Brooklyn pizza on.


We need a pizza video to go along with all the other side items. Not all of us live in Brooklyn and can see, smell and taste real pizza!

Deal. Keep those eyes peeled tomorrow!

Manties for Rye? Photos of Rye in manties? Photos of Violet doing things to manty-wearing Rye? Ya know, it's only fair since V has been in the spotlight for all the sexy lingerie...

Is that a request? Certainly seems so. We've definitely had it before. We'll see what we can do, but certainly no promises here.

Did Violet get a boob job? Her boobs look bigger now!

HA! You think I'd want to make these things bigger?


Oh, hello. I found another video for you. I know what you're thinking: two days of videos in a row? I know! But, here's the thing: this exists!

Yeah! It's Friday, guys! Let's party! There are nerdy naked girls dancing around for us! Girls who are still demonstrating a commitment to Napoleon Dynamite for some reason! Girls who despite trying desperately to look like an uncoordinated loser, still manage to accidentally be really, really sexy at times.

I mean, I think we all know I'm a sucker for those panties, right? Happy weekend, darlings.

And listen, here's a tip: do not miss what we have in store for you on Monday.


Shower with Affection.

Sigh. Sometimes, I sure am glad the internet exists. Today? Right now? One of those times. Because I found this.

Michelle L'amour in "Shower With Affection" from franky vivid on Vimeo.

Dudes. This combines so many things that I am so extremely obsessed with.

Water on stage.
A brave, confident, dead-sexy woman splashing around in water on stage.

It's a slow build, as burlesque should be - but holy shitbags - once you get there, I only have two words for you: Diamond. Merkin.


They're Food People.

We're sex people.
We're music people.
We're comedy people.

But if someone we knew were to define us by our single biggest passion, they would say, without exception:

They're food people.


The Spoils.

Guys, I want to be honest with you about something: being a sex blogger has its perks. The research is quite pleasant, the actual writing of the thing often inspires more research and we have a growing collection of sex toys that frequently get sent to us for review.

Here's a downside I've discovered: it is really easy to get spoiled.


What Our Friends Thought.

After much, much, much, MUCH fucking debate, we told some friends about this blog.

"That's fucking AWESOME."
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"The fucking Hairpin???"

We've had this blog going for almost two years now. So the fact that not a single friend knew about it is pretty shocking, even to us. We actually assumed some of our friends knew about it. Between Camille Crimson, Fleshbot and Cindy Gallop all talking about us at points, it only made sense that a friend jerked it to a video of ours.

Apparently not.

Here's how it all went down:


Violet's Sex Diary: Part 3

And here it is, everyone, the final installment of Violet's Sex Diary. I bet you thought you were only getting seven days, didn't you? Well, we're good to you, so you get ten. That's right. We were so happy that you ate up Part 1 and Part 2 of this series that we decided to give you more.

Get to it!


We were both so hungover the day after dinner with the Make Love Not Porn crew. I played hooky from work, which turned out to be incredibly opportune because it was GORGEOUS outside. I ran some errands, reveled in the attention of the swarms of construction workers and other men wearing their boners on their sleeves that day. A little bit of sunshine turns the men in this city into sex animals.

One notable highlight from a sweaty, muscled, rather hot construction worker: "DAMN. Why you gotta be everything I've ever wanted?"

I love springtime.


I'll take a little advice, if you have some. How can a guy help bring out a shy girl's inner domme? The girl is interested on some level but very unsure.


Yes, it certainly sounds as if you have already, or else you wouldn't know that she's interested on some level. However, explore that level a bit. Has she ever tied you up? Not a bad way to get her in that mode. Once you're helpless, it might inspire some of that domme spirit. Grab a pair of cuffs if ropes aren't your thing and let her feel that surge of sexy power as she binds you and does what she wants to your waiting body.

But here's the thing: DON'T PRESSURE HER. No "come one, why not?", no "it's not a big deal, just do it". Make it known that you find this idea hot, that it's up to her how far she wants to take it, and that you're okay with her being that domme. Then communicate before, during and after. Little by little, you'll start to develop that taste for domme. The rest is up to her and how she feels about it.

But just be open, be ready and be supportive.


Violet's Sex Diary: Part 2.

Part two of three, y'all! You went apeshit for the first one, so go on and dig in, perverts.


Rye was out of town on business. This usually engages us in a fair amount of naked pictures being texted back and forth. He was so busy on this trip that it engaged me in watching a LOT of RuPaul's Drag Race and going to sleep.


You Best Believe She's Coming.

One of our biggest issues with a lot of porn out there, even "amateur", is that the sounds coming from the woman are so often overblown, ridiculous and largely fake. That's why a video that displays a refreshing level of orgasmic ranting and shouts of "I'm coming" are always a welcome treat.

Sure, this video may only have the one angle, but it makes up for it in what she's providing, LOTS and LOTS of noise. Talking, moaning, shouting, not to compliments of the highest order.


Violet's Sex Diary: Part 1.

We love the Sex Diary series in New York Magazine so goddamn much. So, after reading them for so long, not to mention seeing other bloggers participate, we decided it was time to participate. So, here it is, Violet's Sex Diary. Featuring a whole lot of Rye. This is the first part in a three part series.

What? How do YOU diary?


The Freshest Guacamole.

So, there's not a ton to say about this video, other than it's fucking RAD. And is by PES. Which is redundant given the first sentence. If you're not familiar with their work, you should change that. Start here:

Combining familiar elements of childhood or current-hood, and adding food elements hit us in our softest spots. And even better? They just scored a gig to bring The Garbage Pail Kids to the big screen. We'll just pretend like it's the first time that will happen, shall we?

Enjoy! It's literally impossible not to.


A Formspring Friday.

Ok, so we know this is biting the style of some other bloggers, namely Liza over at Always Each Other, but having done Formspring for a LONG time, this actually seems like a pretty good way to respond, combining into one column like this. This likely won't remain a "thing", as you probably know by now that we're not big on the schedule thing, but it was certainly fun for today. Questions in bold, responses are not in bold, imagine that!

Thanks to all of you that asked us questions, if you've got one, hit us up!


Bare Mattress for a Bare Weisz.

Guys, I don't know about you, but we fucking LOVE Rachel Weisz.

Whether she's acting her ass off in the underrated The Constant Gardener, or slumming in the terrible (though enjoyable?) Mummy movies, we're all about watching her.

However, I'm not sure we've ever enjoyed watching her as much as we did in this sultry slice of sex:


Analog Girl in a Digital World.

Sometimes, we feel like all the porn we look at is the same. We complain about this frequently, as I'm sure you've noticed.

via Call Me Balthazar
Occasionally, we come across something so delightfully out of the ordinary, that we have to share it with you. Without further ado, let's talk about Sonia and Balthazar.



Hello, darlings. You have all been so patiently waiting around, listening to us rant about sexual transparency, female desire, what porn should be and how we should talk about it. What follows below has very little to do with that. What follows below is pure, unadulterated eye candy from us to you.

Satisfied. brought to you by PornHub

When I heard this song for the first time, making this was all I could think of. Let's say goodbye to winter with one last rush of Christmas lights, shall we?


Coming Monday.

A new video...

Delicately Manipulating Our Carnal Chords.

What I am about to show you reduced me to a drooling, babbling mess that could not complete a sentence until I ate sushi for lunch. I wish I were exaggerating. If I were exaggerating, it would make me a much more normal, sane and productive person. But, since that is no fun, the single most staggering piece of food porn I've seen in months. Click play right now, please.

Okay. How do you feel? Are you alright? Here is what I just said to Rye about this, "I mean that piece of tuna is just the most vaginal-- look. I want to put it in my mouth. I want to hold it there and appreciate it, then chew it, swallow it, and make it become a part of my body."

I don't know, you guys. The way this is filmed, the color on each piece of sushi, individually, the care with which he brushes each piece with exactly the correct amount of soy. It stirs something guttural within me. Something carnal. It delicately manipulates the same chord that great porn does. Which, clearly, is why we share this motherfucking nerdery with you all. Because we know you agree.

Oh, darling, you have some drool on the front of your shirt. Let's get you out of those wet clothes. Right after we go immediately for sushi.


The Desire Project.

Oh, duh. Of course we love this. Don't you? You probably already know about it. But, on the off-chance that you don't, please watch the below. The first five seconds alone are worth the whole click and make me laugh every time I watch it. Guys, I've watched it a lot.

That’s What She Said is an ongoing documentary series created by Victoria Floethe and Kate Rose about "what women want and how they get it." I mean, every single time I watch one of these, I end up shouting, "YES! EXACTLY!" at least once. 


Oh Hello, Hairpinners!

Welcome to our little corner of the world, super happy to have you!

We were as surprised as anyone to see our names on one of our favorite websites. So while we jump up and down with excitement, we figured we'd point you to those videos that were mentioned in the write-up.

While they're always linked at the top of the page, along with Photos of Us, our Tumblr, our Twitter, our Formspring (SO much social media!) and links we dig, people seem to be fondest of these suckers:

Follow me to a world of pure imagination...and nudity. And orgasms. And boobs and dicks.


If you follow us on Twitter, you know that we were on a tear this Sunday. It's a tear we've been on before, and it's a tear we'll undoubtedly be on again. But it all boils down to one simple fact:

Men have great terms for getting oral sex. Women don't.

FUCK that. As someone that LOVES the act of going down on a woman, I'm offended. And I don't even have a pussy, so I know how women must feel.

A favorite pastime, in my bearded phase.


If Sex Sells, Sell Sex.

We've recently found ourselves talking, quite frequently, and with many varied people, about this issue of Good Porn. And the lack of it.

If we begin to embrace sexuality more openly and accept that sex is healthy, natural and something to be celebrated, in the same way we're celebrating food these days, then the room for innovation is endless.

And yes, this applies to selling products.

Why, for instance, have Converse (see screengrab), or Levi's never grabbed onto real world sex as a way to sell their products? Damn near weekly, someone gets to our blog by searching "hot girl Chucks". Seems like a no brainer to us.

American Apparel is the closest to really embracing this concept, in America anyway. Their ads featuring Sasha Grey, or with women showing bush or full ass are popular. And seemingly everywhere in New York. And guess what? A lot of cool young people wear their clothes!

Ren, apparently, also gets this concept. Of COURSE, this ad is not American. But we can only hope in several years, maybe it will be.


Another Reason to Love Sundays.

Well, then. Thank you for this, Vimeo.

This is like living inside the head of this woman's ex-boyfriend and feeling deeply, deeply regretful that we let her slip away. Why does this make us extremely horny? Dunno. But it really does. We wish this were at least one year longer. As I'm sure he did as well.

The shot at :35 is basically the sexiest thing I've seen all week. But don't take our word for it. Hang onto your boners and see for yourself!


On Thank You.

We are so incredibly lucky. You ever get that feeling? You just look around and think, "FUCK. This is good. I am doing it right." That's sort of what my days have felt like lately, and - because I can't help it and this is how I am - I've been trying to take note of what makes me feel that way.

Again, if anyone knows the source of this glorious image, we'd love to know.

Now, bear with me here, because this isn't fully formed in my brain, but what it has to do with is gratitude.


Hotel Chevalier.

Of course we love Wes Anderson. If you didn't know this by reading our blog up to now, we don't really know how to make it more clear. The attention to detail, the style, the music. It's all very much him, even if that can be redundant as he "progresses" as a filmmaker.

Whether or not Wes has lived up to the promise of his early films is beside the point for us. The real point is that if you've never seen this short, which relates to Jason Schwartzman's character in The Darjeeling Limited and ran before it in theatres, you're missing out.

We're here to fix that.

Hotel Chevalier from q1ch on Vimeo.

There are a number of reasons we love this short:

1. Natalie Portman's ass.
2. Natalie Portman's hair.
3. The Peter Sarstedt song.
4. The balcony.
5. The little details all over the room.
6. It's funny.
7. It's sad.
8. Natalie Portman's ass.

We hope you find similar reasons to enjoy this little gem.


Get Out Your Seat and Jump Around.

Remember yesterday when Rye complained about those videos you seek out, with a model writhing around on the floor, barely a nipple slip, that you endure just because it's a bit better than the rest of the garbage? Well, this is basically like that. Only a lot more fun.

So. Enjoy the hell out of this, get yourselves dude and lady-boners, and then I guess just use your imaginations for now? We'll keep digging. We promise!

Enjoy the weekend, lovelies.


The Good Porn Problem.

We have a dilemma.

When we first started this blog, our intentions were:

1. To talk openly about sex. Our sex. Other people's sex. Just sex.
2. To share photos we find hot.
3. To share stories we find hot.
4. To share videos we find hot.

We'd say we've accomplished all of these things quite well. But let's go through them, point by point: