Excuse Us, Agent Cooper: Would You Like A Slice Of Pie?

SOMETHING IS HAPPENING THAT YOU GUYS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT. He's right here in the bath and his name is Dale Cooper.

If you are not acquainted with this man, take a deep breath in because you're about to get real acquainted with his forearms, thighs, cheeky smile, love for Radiohead and expert ability to make us giggle and then need to fuck immediately.

It's The Freakin' Weekend.

"Dear Violet,
These are some things I found. I thought you might enjoy watching them while I'm working this weekend. Enjoy yourself. 
Love, Rye"

That's the email I found in our inbox this morning when I woke up and lazily drank coffee in my pajamas while poor Rye went to work. He had thoughtfully spent his days off during the week gathering three videos for my weekend enjoyment, and enjoying them is just what I set out to do. His intention, I am certain, was to inspire a jerk-off session, along with a few photos sent to him while he was at work.

He'll probably still get that, but he's also inspired something a bit more... um... verbose.

If You're Calling It Fingerbanging, Something Is WRONG.

Leave it to Vice. Sometimes we forget how spot-on their advice can be, how biting their wit can be and how utterly correct they are about certain repeated pitfalls of human sexuality -- i.e, "don't slap the bean."

Ladies, when getting taken care of via finger by your partners, we know there are certain things you're dying to cry out. But sometimes we don't. Shouting, "fucking stop doing that, it's terrible!" in the act doesn't appeal to anyone, especially considering how sensitive our collective sexual egos can be.