It was one of the first times we fucked. I remember it like it was yesterday. In the bedroom of her shared apartment. Late spring. Morning. It was already too hot. Spoon-fucking on a double bed.
For some reason, probably related to the frequency of the sex we'd been having and my alien condom usage (my first marriage was sexless, but condom-free), I was taking forever. She'd come several times already, as she does. But I was still miles away. She must have known.
It was the first time I'd ever heard such a request. And my reaction was perfectly in character.
"Fuck that pussy like you own it."
My internal reaction was even more in character. "No, I don't own anything, you're your own person and I want you to maintain that independence inside of this relationship."
It didn't take more than a moment for the switch to flip, however. "This girl is HOT. That is SO slutty. I own that pussy!" In a few seconds, I was coming harder than I'd come in years.
This dichotomy has been an interesting factor my whole life, especially for the sexual me.
While yes, we run a sex blog and yes, we share photos, make videos of ourselves fucking and tell stories about our experiences, I'm also a guy that has been to one strip club ever. And hated it. I prefer burlesque, as it feels more empowered and equal. Or maybe that's just me convincing myself of that.
I've had sex with two women, both of them are women that I later married (this time for the good reasons, but still, the fact remains). I've never had a threesome. I've never really fucked in public. While I talk about sex a lot, both in person and on this blog, my hesitation and awkwardness around real-life sexuality has always been a line of division. For someone so overt, I'm shockingly reserved.
These two parts of me struggle against one another on a near-daily basis. This is usually okay and works itself out just fine, as you've all seen for over two years. But then, there are other times. I go through phases where it feels weird to be overtly sexual, even with Violet. Bringing up sex can seem difficult and sort of embarrassing. I know she wants it. I certainly want it. But the gap becomes this thing, this tension, this really strange elephant in the room. It's fucking weird, basically.
Until a switch flips.
Until I get over myself and my overwhelming brain.
Until I remember that "fucking that pussy like you own it" is not only fun but something we both want.
Come on, switch. Flip already.