4.16.2013

Just the Three of Us.

Let's talk about threesomes.


Because we've been doing it already. And we feel like it's time to talk about what we've been talking about.

Before we got married, we talked about someday having a threesome, and that it was something we could revisit after a year or so, after Violet had some quality time with just my parts. The thought stuck with me. And popped its head up from time to time.

Recently, I came to the realization that after several years of passing thoughts that faded into vague fantasies, this rather pushy fantasy of mine was something was finally cementing. And something I think about often. So I brought it up with Violet.

My fantasy is rooted in the joy I get in watching Violet get off. We know well of my intense interest in all things Violet orgasm related. The female orgasm has been a near fetish of mine since I was first interested in sex, to see the person you're with lose control and have such intense pleasure is something I don't think I'll ever tire of. Whether I'm involved or simply watching, my passion for Violet's passion is unending.

As has been well documented here, I'm rather inexperienced in the quantity of people I've slept with. Violet, not so much. She's experienced men and women, together, separate and in all combinations. She's done the threesome thing before and we've both talked about those experiences enough to know she didn't really look fondly on them.

So what do I want? I want to watch Violet and another woman. I want to see that passion she has for women, a passion we've so often discussed in a historical context, but I've never been able to witness. I want to see this other aspect to my wife. The complexities she has, the desires, I want to see those unfold in front of me. To see them enjoy each other while I watch. And ultimately, I want to get involved in any way that they'll have me.

Sounds like a simple enough desire? Well that's where the simplicity of the situation ends.

Because I'm the person I am, my mind has been racing with questions, scenarios, concerns.

Is bringing another person into your bedroom worth the potential risks?
How do you find another person that's up for it?
Is that person a friend? An acquaintance? A total stranger?
How do you make sure that person wants and gets what they desire from the situation?

Part of why this desire even feels like it became so pushy is that I know how solid Violet and I are. Our foundation is strong as fuck. We're best friends. We love hanging around each other. We think of each other as totally hot and hilarious. And we share so much of ourselves with each other in an open, honest way, communicating incessantly about our needs, wants, fears and desires. Because of this solid core, it seems like we should explore in ways that other couples that aren't as secure are unable to. We should take advantage of this, be honest with ourselves about what we want to experience in this lifetime and go about doing so in safe, well communicated ways.

But it isn't as simple as that. Because that's not mentioning the guilt I feel about wanting this. Something that Violet has assured she's game for, and that if she had no interest, she'd simply tell me. And despite that, I still feel a bit out of sorts. Like I'll carry the weight of this if anything is fucked up or damaged by this.

What lies beneath all of this, however, is the core of why this fantasy exists, the possibility that this experience turns out excellent. We all enjoy each other. I get to watch Violet enjoying herself as a removed entity. Then join in. And it's all just hot, open, honest sexuality shared in private amongst consenting adults. And that's when I get excited again.

So who knows.
Maybe this will be something that we figure out together.
Maybe it's something that just goes away and remains a fantasy.
Maybe.

16 comments:

  1. My husband and I have been a couple for 11 years, and the threesome topic has been constant for almost that whole time, but no one has been significant enough for us to put in our bed. Perhaps it just falls down to finding that right person and when the chemistry is right, it'll happen. At least you guys have kick ass sex already! (Sorry, I had to delete the previous comment) xxx

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    1. That's super interesting! 11 years and never found a joiner? Part of what we find exciting is just our willingness to be open about the possibility. That alone separates you from a lot of other couples and makes it all so much more exciting and adventurous.

      And yes, we certainly do enjoy sex of the kick ass variety!

      V+R

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  2. Ok, first off...let me just re-echo what we tel you guys all the time. You both are -awesome-. Rye, do not sleep on this. It is known to both parties that it is an ongoing fantasy...and both parties are open to it. So, let it be from there. If it happens, it happens. Now, if you are more interested in it becoming a reality soon, then you'll have to make the decisions of whom, where, and why, etc. But for the time being, no sense worrying and feeling (possibly?) guilty about something that hasn't even taken place. For me personally, in my relationship, I as the girl am the one who is interested in the threesomes. My partner knows, and is ok with it. We are not actively looking, but if it happens, it happens you know?

    With that said...I think you're both hot as eff. We live in Maryland and I've never been to New York (we moved last year from Cali and I left on a job three weeks later, which I am still on, to overseas). If you decide in six months or so to pursue this...consider your fans!

    -Visi

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    1. Thanks so much for chiming in with your personal story! It's fucking wonderful that you're interested and have discussed with your partner! Like we said in the above response, just having discussed it and being open and honest is hot in and of itself.

      As for the fans, consider it considered (and we've been to Maryland, the crabs alone are worth repeat visits)!

      V+R

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  3. I can only tell you that from my own experience(s), it can be the most wonderfully exciting and fulfilling** situation . . . as long as you are completely prepared for it. By prepared I mean, that you have BOTH talked about your own desires and expectations . . . and concerns. It seems from your post that you have and the fact that your lady has already had some experience in those situations should be your MOST important focal point. I say that because, from my own point of view, although I knew that my husband had been asking me for years if he could join one of my liaisons with one of my lovers, AND although I did also often fantasize about him being there (whilst I was actually with one of my lovers), I STILL was always worried about two key points. a) Would he actually find the "reality" to be as enjoyable as the "fantasy" or would he suddenly have a change of mind, or feelings of jealousy, or annoyance at my actions. And b) Would I actually be able to let myself go, and really be myself, knowing that my husband was in the room with us.
    We'd been married for over 20 years and I'd been seeing other lovers for 8 years (with his full knowledge and acceptance . . . and excitement), before it finally did happen. And it almost happened by accident in a way. With a longstanding lover and we'd all been out for drinks together socially a few times beforehand, so it wasn't as if they didn't know each other.
    But, what I wanted to say about **fulfilling** . . . is that I didn't mean that just sexually (although it certainly is), but actually perhaps the most INCREDIBLE thing is that, in our case, it actually seemed to make our "open" marriage even stronger, and more complete. Sharing something so personal and special is just such a wonderful thing. And for us it just led us onto sharing even more. Never EVER being afraid to say and share anything, thoughts, desires, feelings, fantasies . . . with each other.
    It was truly wonderful . . . and we have just celebrated our 32nd year together and still going strong (LOL !!!).
    So, prepare, talk, prepare some more . . . and choose carefully.
    I wish you fun . . . and love . . . (apologies if this has rambled on far too long!!!)
    Xxx - Katie

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    1. Not a ramble too far at all. Thanks you SO much for chiming in with your thoughts, we seriously appreciate it and love reading about other people's experiences, especially in regard to group sex.

      V+R

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  4. Katie, if you don't mind me asking, why did you first decide to take an outside lover (not your husband I mean)... high sex drive?

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    1. LOL !!! A very, very long story . . . and actually explained (briefly) on my "The more I have" page on my own blog. BUT, But, but . . . I don't want to hi-jack Violet & Rye's page here to detail that. As I mentioned, I do realise that everyone is different and that different things work for different people, but I believe that communicating and talking honestly as a couple is the basis for strong (and loving) relationship. Whether, or not, that leads to more "open" sexual experiences with others, or just between the two partners, the talking and sharing of passions and desires is the most important thing.

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    2. FUCKING AWESOME DISCUSSIONS HAPPENING HERE, PEOPLE.

      Love it.

      V+R

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  5. Hmmm 3sums, a subject we have had plenty of fun discussing as well as partaking in with success and epic failures. We are married and are approaching being married for 9 years with 6 on deck before we got married and are both only 33. We got into the 3sum thing when we were dating but didn't successfully have them until we were married. With that being said let me offer you our advise.

    Don't fret about it, it's a waste of time and energy to worry about something that hasn't happened. Be open with each other about what you don't want to happen and since V has experience hear what she says she hated about it and try not to replicate. Unless you have some very sexually open and down to earth friends that view sex in a way that is similar to you, don't hook up with friends. An acquaintance would probably be the best bet, someone just a bit outside of your normal social circle.

    All in all if you both are down and have a solid foundation it is so worth it. It's hard to find someone equally into both of you but it can happen.

    Be safe of course but in the end it's just sex, there may be some missteps but as long as everyone keeps it in perspective it should be fine.

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    1. Yes, yes, wonderfully . . . and succinctly put. Couldn't agree more.

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    2. This is seriously wonderful advice and we can't thank you enough for coming over here and giving it. Amazing.

      V+R

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  6. I don't think there's much I can add to the comments above, or following recent conversations on twitter, except to say thank you for once again getting a subject so many of us are thinking about out there and enabling us to open up about it. And to echo what Visible Glass said, I think you guys have a great foundation for this kind of exploration, and you're hot as can be anyway! Expect you've already had/ will get plenty of offers from your readers......damn the Atlantic Ocean, or I'd join the queue!!! Also wondered if you'd considered a sex/swingers party, this is something we thought may be a good way to 'test the waters' so to speak. Thanks for your post as always, J x

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    1. The fact that we can be considered a blog that discusses the things people are thinking and not saying is beyond amazing to us, so thanks for saying so.

      We happend to think our foundation is pretty fucking strong as well, which is a big reason for even pursuing the idea in the first place. We don't get as many real offers as you'd think, but those that we do get tend to come from women, which is really refreshing and wonderful.

      As for the swingers/sex party, it's not really a thing we've put much thought into, mostly due to the expectation of what that would be like and not being super into that concept. Which is pretty unfair, to be honest. So maybe we'll rethink that idea.

      V+R

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  7. I really thought I'd commented on this post, but apparently I didn't. Which just goes to show that crack really is wack.

    Ok, so thoughts. There are a few. some are even smart.

    Thought 1: there are some really awesome comments on this post. smart people, smart advice, interesting stories, and thoughtfulness, which is so awesomely refreshing. I've met so few people who are actually thoughtful about threesomes that reading this stuff is exceedingly happy making. I find that generally people fall into one of two camps: threesomes - FUCK YEAH or threesomes - ew. and don't really take the time to examine any of their reasoning behind these positions (no pun intended. I guess).

    Thought 2: this post, and the subsequent comments, engendered some truly excellent discussions on threesomes, sexuality and compartmentalization* with my husband (who is also a reader and occasional commenter). And I think he feels very similarly to Rye about this issue. We've been married for nearly 9 years, and yeah, threesomes have been a constant topic of conversation for most of our marriage (if not pre-marriage, but my memory sucks, so who knows). It's really a matter of finding the right person, and that hasn't happened yet. It's also a tall order. Someone that we trust, that we're both attracted to, who is attracted to both of us, etc... man. HOW did I make this happen so frequently when I was younger?

    *compartmentalization in this context = the ability to experience sex and a purely physical experience without any emotional bullshit, guilt, or anything else creeping into it, before, during or after the experience. Tough to find in a threesome partner. And trust me, I've seen it all with multiple partnering. I've got no desire to get into a sexual encounter with someone who is going to vomit their emotional bullshit all over me after the fact. Or during. Ugh.

    Thought 3: My sexual experience is a lot more varied than my husband's, and I think this is also an issue (ok, not really an issue, but something similar to an issue, but less ominous) as I spent a period in my 20s being all about sex, drugs and, well, sex, and my husband spent his 20s raising his youngest sister. I seem to remember the variances in sexual experience being a factor in y'alls relationship as well. He's expressed on numerous occasions that he wished he'd been around when I was in my wildly free period of sexual expression.

    ok, thoughts are clearly getting less organized.

    thanks again for the thoughtful and awesome post (and, comments).

    can we have another post please? I know it's national masturbation month and all, but at least one of you is able to do that one-handed.

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    1. Wow, Virginia, thanks SO much for sharing your story! That was a fucking excellent comment and we love hearing about the experience of others. Especially when your situation is so similar to our own. We're thrilled to have inspired some great conversations between you and your husband, that's perhaps the best outcome we could hope for (aside from having a successful, drama-free threesome?), so thanks for that.

      As for a new post, we'll see what we can hammer out with one hand otherwise occupied!

      V+R

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