Because we've been doing it already. And we feel like it's time to talk about what we've been talking about.
Before we got married, we talked about someday having a threesome, and that it was something we could revisit after a year or so, after Violet had some quality time with just my parts. The thought stuck with me. And popped its head up from time to time.
Recently, I came to the realization that after several years of passing thoughts that faded into vague fantasies, this rather pushy fantasy of mine was something was finally cementing. And something I think about often. So I brought it up with Violet.
My fantasy is rooted in the joy I get in watching Violet get off. We know well of my intense interest in all things Violet orgasm related. The female orgasm has been a near fetish of mine since I was first interested in sex, to see the person you're with lose control and have such intense pleasure is something I don't think I'll ever tire of. Whether I'm involved or simply watching, my passion for Violet's passion is unending.
As has been well documented here, I'm rather inexperienced in the quantity of people I've slept with. Violet, not so much. She's experienced men and women, together, separate and in all combinations. She's done the threesome thing before and we've both talked about those experiences enough to know she didn't really look fondly on them.
So what do I want? I want to watch Violet and another woman. I want to see that passion she has for women, a passion we've so often discussed in a historical context, but I've never been able to witness. I want to see this other aspect to my wife. The complexities she has, the desires, I want to see those unfold in front of me. To see them enjoy each other while I watch. And ultimately, I want to get involved in any way that they'll have me.
Sounds like a simple enough desire? Well that's where the simplicity of the situation ends.
Because I'm the person I am, my mind has been racing with questions, scenarios, concerns.
Is bringing another person into your bedroom worth the potential risks?
How do you find another person that's up for it?
Is that person a friend? An acquaintance? A total stranger?
How do you make sure that person wants and gets what they desire from the situation?
Part of why this desire even feels like it became so pushy is that I know how solid Violet and I are. Our foundation is strong as fuck. We're best friends. We love hanging around each other. We think of each other as totally hot and hilarious. And we share so much of ourselves with each other in an open, honest way, communicating incessantly about our needs, wants, fears and desires. Because of this solid core, it seems like we should explore in ways that other couples that aren't as secure are unable to. We should take advantage of this, be honest with ourselves about what we want to experience in this lifetime and go about doing so in safe, well communicated ways.
But it isn't as simple as that. Because that's not mentioning the guilt I feel about wanting this. Something that Violet has assured she's game for, and that if she had no interest, she'd simply tell me. And despite that, I still feel a bit out of sorts. Like I'll carry the weight of this if anything is fucked up or damaged by this.
What lies beneath all of this, however, is the core of why this fantasy exists, the possibility that this experience turns out excellent. We all enjoy each other. I get to watch Violet enjoying herself as a removed entity. Then join in. And it's all just hot, open, honest sexuality shared in private amongst consenting adults. And that's when I get excited again.
So who knows.
Maybe this will be something that we figure out together.
Maybe it's something that just goes away and remains a fantasy.