6.06.2012

My Name is Rye and I Have Body Issues.

Yes, that's right. An admission must be made:

I've got body issues.

I put naked photos of myself online, videos of us fucking, even a video of me jerking off. And yet...

Body. Issues.

Now, I don't want this to come off as a whiny, woe is me thing. Or some form of seeking approval or drawing a compliment. This isn't about that. I've been blessed with a pretty great metabolism and based on what you may have seen of me, you might think "fuck that dude, he's just being a whiny asshole, he's lucky, blah blah." And that might be the case to someone reading this. And that's okay. Sure, I do have a pretty great metabolism and am lucky and on and on. BUT, this is just my way of airing some shit that I've dealt with for quite some time. Regardless of whatever the perception of me might be, what's going on in my brain is something different. And something I think I might finally be defeating.

And with that out of the way, let's dive right into the deep:


I've always been a skinny kid. Like, woefully skinny. Can't-put-on-any-weight-ever-and-make-people-think-that-I-have-an-eating-disorder skinny.

Then two things happened.

1. I started dating Violet. She is a REALLY good cook.
2. I got injured last year. Really badly injured. Couldn't really move for a few months injured.

So, needless to say, weight has been put on.


I don't want to get into boring details about the injury or related activities because they're either boring, sad or both. It happened, it was shitty, we're moving on.

Since recovering, I've been able to add a gym routine to my life. Which I hate. But will keep up, because my goal is to be toned. I've lost a little of that weight. I plan to lose more. And hopefully there will be some form of abs and pecs that develop over time. Nothing crazy muscular. Just toned.


According to Violet (you'll have to trust her, seeing as you've never glimpsed my face), I'm a very attractive guy. I can see that more and more now. But before getting with Violet, this idea NEVER occurred to me.

My teen years were spent getting rejected while battling with some seriously nasty acne. By the time I finally got to put my dick in someone, I ended up marrying her.

Maybe it was partly because I thought no one else would want me.
Maybe it was youth.
Stupidity.
A severe lack of self esteem.


Wrap it all in a package and you've got a guy that didn't think much of himself.
Now take that package and tell its young wife to never have sex with him.
And when she did, once a month if lucky, make sure she let you know that she doesn't enjoy it.
Let marinate for several years.

Luckily, that well marinated package of depression and self esteem issues decides he needs to move along. Fortunately for Violet, he hadn't been spoiled yet by the years of shitty relations.


And so the self esteem has only risen from there.
Violet objectifies me on the daily, always telling me how much she likes any combination of my parts.
And it's helped. Considerably.

But I'm not naive. I still know that I'm borderline hipster with a beer gut. Which, if I am (and if you are), that's cool. I love beer, after all. And I'm kind of a hipster. But for my health, and for my self esteem, I know I can't allow myself to put that weight back on.


So when we got a comment that the recent post "Rye Cleans Up" calling us out on only showing my cock and some legs, I felt it was time to come clean.

We take LOTS of photos of both of us. We then go through and select those that we enjoy. That we feel good about. That get us hot again. Violet objects FAR less than I do. But most of mine end up in the trash. I think I have a pretty nice looking cock. I definitely lucked out in that department. So it's often on display. But my other parts, I always grimace at.

Not these.

These are me.
These are flaccid cock.
Plenty of stomach.
Some leg.
Some back.
Some chest.
Forearms.
And a fair amount of ass.


So you could say that I'm working on getting over my issues. I feel good about myself. I take my shirt off at the beach and don't think TOO much about it. Not like I used to.

The act of working out, even if I'm not where I want to be, has helped me considerably.
As have your comments.
And Violet's unrelenting flattery.

So I'm getting there. Do I think I have a great body?
NO.

Do I think that some of you enjoy it, so it's only fair that we share my body the way we do Violet's?
YES. ABSOLUTELY.



So here you are.
They're yours to have.
I hope you enjoy them.

And thanks for making me feel good.


46 comments:

  1. Good for you bro. I know how you feel, having suffered with confidence issues too. Only difference being I've always been a little on the round side. And like you, a great woman had been helping me out of this shell. You're a lucky guy having V behind you, to help boost your confidence and open your eyes to what everyone else sees. 
    I can tell you, as another straight, twentysomething guy with issues, that you've nothing to worry about dude, smile and be happy :) 
    D. 

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    1. As a straight guy saying this also ' I agree with all of the above'. You have nothing to worry about and you look like you're on great shape!

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    2. Thanks Dave and Anon! Appreciate you chiming in and discussing some of your own issues as well. Really, really glad I was able to touch on something that clearly affects so many people.

      -Rye

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  2. Rye, I want to give you the biggest hug ever. Your vulnerability here is just about the hottest thing on you. The rest is DEAD-sexy.
    xo

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    1. Aw, thanks Anisa! It felt good to open up and let it out, so I'm very excited by all the lovely responses. And sexy, eh? Nice!

      -Rye

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  3. Brilliant post. I have a man who has a nice body, works out regularly, and whom I think is fiiiiinnne. But he knows that at age 60 his dad looked like a lollipop--giant gut on skinny legs--and he doesn't want that. So he worries. He worries that each time his pants feel a little bit tight (and no, not like that!) that he's getting fat. It didn't help that I was as bad as Rye's ex in not appreciating him.

    Personally, I relate to the "hate it but gotta' do it" school of exercise. With my past health issues I've been through ups and downs of weight and body image, and unfortunately, at times haven't been able to work out in any meaningful fashion. And getting out of the habit is bad for our health. So. Evil necessity. And you're right--feeling fitter makes you feel more fabulous in general, and does wonders for self-esteem.

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    1. Thanks Liza! Good for your man and good for you, evil necessity is right! And glad you can recognize that period of not appreciating him, knowing it now will make it hard to ever go back to that place. And here's to your continued health and a pain free future!

      -Rye

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  4. Rye...this was very refreshing to read and I think all your loyal followers feel we know you a little better now! I am not gay, but can say you have nothing to worry about physically!

    Like you, I had an ex that made me feel worthless and still 6 years later I still hear and feel those comments! I stand 6'3" and began the year weighing 255...I said enough feeling sorry for myself, worked my ass off and in 12 Weeks got to 209! I am sitting at 215 now and am happy! My girlfriend as V is to you the most supportive person I know!

    We all have body image issues, that won't change! But if you love yourself who gives a shit!!

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    1. Thanks Chris! Glad you enjoyed the read. And even more glad that you've found someone that makes you feel good about yourself. Cheers to your awesome weight loss as well!

      -Rye

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  5. I applaud the candor. One thing, though... if you have a gut, I'm positively obese.

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    1. Ha ha ha! Kind of you to say, Buddha.

      -Rye

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  6. Now, I don't have any idea what it feels like NOT to have body issues. I have honestly never ever experienced that in my life. I am, mildly put, a bit of a fatty and have been for pretty much all my life. But what I DO know is, that confidence has nothing to do with logic. Our lives shape us and the way we see ourselves and sometimes it's hard to put old issues aside. No, fuck that, it's almost ALWAYS hard. We're all just human, and nobody is perfect. We can only change the way we see ourselves, with time and love. I'm trying hard not to hate myself for the fact that I'm insanely obese. (I'm also working on dropping weight, but that's not important right now.) And you, you damn sexy person, go on the way you see yourself - Mentally or physically, or maybe a bit of both will make it easier.
    I applaud you for your honesty - AND for your body. Now excuse me, again, while I go and shamelessly objectify you. Roarrr!

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    1. Wow, Rena, thanks for that amazing comment! And you're right, overcoming the way you feel about the body you have is incredibly important. More important even than trying to change that body through working out, etc. Having confidence is something that won't come from doing reps. Good for you for working through it. And as for your objectification? Go on...

      -Rye

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  7. you call that a beer gut? looking good man, and kudos to both of you for confronting your demons and running with your passions.

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    1. Thanks! Appreciate you chiming in!

      -Rye

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  8. I had a hard time believing the compliments thrown my way because I was largely ignored in high school. Only now do I believe them and take them well. :)

    I hate my pecs and my belly...after seeing you, I want to do more with my body. I am coaching two softball teams now (also attending practices for both teams) and I know it is not enough.

    I did have a membership at a gym but I went there maybe 4 times in one whole year. Hated wasting money like that... Guess it's time to start and keep doing gym routines at home.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your story, Nolens! And enough is whatever makes you feel good about being enough. I go to the gym 2-3 times each week, but don't beat myself up too much if it's less. And it's NEVER more. I hear you on the wasting money, it's the real driver in my continuing to go, gotta make that expense worthwhile!

      -Rye

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  9. Dear Rye
    Thanks again for sharing your intimate self with us, your adoring fans!
    Though I understand that body image is an issue many people go through, I want you to know that I really appreciate hearing it from a male point of view. It's refreshing :) (PS: your writing + your photos = wet panties)
    Also "I'm borderline hipster with a beer gut." Really made me giggle - now every time I see an near-hipster drinking an ironic pilsner, I'll think: "is that what Rye looks like??" :)
    Xoxo
    ~@nurseshark

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    1. Really happy to hear I could share this perspective with you! The media portrays women as having SO many issues, which certainly can't help matters, but knowing that men alike share these issues has to be said. It's a human issue, not based on sex, and it's dangerous to keep portraying it is as though it is.

      As for the hipster thing, you're not far off. Hell, maybe it WAS me!

      And the wet panties...YUM. Thanks for sharing THAT especially!

      -Rye

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  10. Body image and self esteem issues are hard, and incredibly pervasive. There's certain ideals were supposed to live up to, and almost no one does. People are made to feel that they can't be happy with themselves, or sexy, or loved unless they get as close to that as they can. But I think learning to feel proud of and confident/sexy in the body you have is more important than trying to get to some ideal and rewarding yourself with happiness when you get there. For some people that may also mean changing something's about their body, but to me that's secondary to trying to just love and appreciate yourself. I think you are super sexy, and I don't think that sexiness is tied to weight/shape. Your vulnerability and humanity are attractive, and do is your growing confidence. I can very much relate to feeling confident/sexy/proud to show off sometimes yet still having a whole bunch of insecurities underneath. Thanks for your willingness to put those insecurities up front, and congratulations on taking them on and starting to overcome them. Remember that your worth and your appeal aren't in your weight. You may be pretty, but you're more than that too.

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    1. Wow! Incredibly well stated, Briefs! Confidence and self esteem issues are far more important to deal with than weight, and something I didn't fully understand until I started working out to lose it. It's not the loss or the shape that's important, but the fact that I believe I'm worth taking care of that really means the most. As for the pretty, I'm largely brains and nerd above all else, so I'm definitely good on that knowledge. Thanks again, amazing addition to the conversation!

      -Rye

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  11. You forget to mention your thighs -- NICE THIGHS. Maybe I'm weird.

    Speaking as someone who battled a food addiction for...probably 20 years now (and, of course, the fucked up body issues that go with that), I'm really grateful for how you're sharing and opening up. And it's refreshing coming from a guy. I know that sounds strange -- but like, I can relate, and I appreciate that you're male and dealing with body image stuff, too.

    Like I said, the thighs.

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    1. Thanks Rachel, for sharing your story! And as I said elsewhere in these comments, I definitely think it's important to let women especially know that men struggle with issues as well. We all have our battles and they're all significant to us and we've got to find ways to overcome those issues. Keep fighting the good fight! And you're not even an ounce of weird for going ape for the thighs, V gets downright predatory on them.

      -Rye

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  12. Is it awful that I just want to cat call after all these profound comments? 'Cause I really do. DAYUM.

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    1. Mmm, not at all! Thanks, Penelope!

      -Rye

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  13. Ditto on the gut comment Buddha! :P

    And Rye, you've managed to make us love you and Violet even more. <3 Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks Macho! Glad this could help you get to know us even better.

      -Rye

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  14. I am sorry but all was going well with me until you mentioned a 'beer gut'.

    I completely understand body issues, after spending a fair part of my adult life extremely over weight and having 2 children my body bears the scars of both these things, however I love my body. It is far from perfect and there are bits of it that I go to great pains to mask. Despite the revealing nature of the images on my blog you will rarely find one of my stomach.

    However like yourself having someone in my life who looks at me and sees the sexiest woman on the planet has gone a long way to me discarding many of my body issues and just learning to love and adore it the way it is and for all the many pleasures it brings me and him.

    I found myself identifying with your words but the beer gut comment, to be honest, had me going.... oh please! You say you don't want to sound whiney but when I read this it made me want to give you a little shake.

    Maybe you see imperfections with your body, I think most people do, and I really don't want to belittle your thoughts AT ALL, as I have tried to say I do understand them but this comment goes to far into the ludicrous for me.

    Mollyxxx

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    1. Thanks for the thoughtful response, Molly! And to be honest, pretty surprised you're the only one to call me out on the whining! Perhaps a photo from the side would have been more revealing of this beer belly, and perhaps I'm overreacting entirely. To be fair, I've lost some of it already, but it's definitely still there, in that "borderline" state that I mentioned. We all have our hang-ups, so whether mine is a "real" beer gut or not shouldn't matter as much as my ability to air my feelings about my body and the trials and tribulations I've had with it since my injury. But I do appreciate the nudge!

      -Rye

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    2. "We all have our hang-ups, so whether mine is a "real" beer gut or not shouldn't matter as much as my ability to air my feelings about my body and the trials and tribulations" You are absolutely right and I think you are very lucky to have Violet in that regards. The real trick is to learn to see yourself through her eyes more often and less so through your own harsh unforgiving eyes.

      You are beautiful, for being able to share yourself with her, for being able to confront yourself, for challenging the things about you that you know are not totally right and most of all for being brave enough to say it here. I do admire that a great deal.

      Mollyxxx

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    3. Thanks Molly, that's incredibly kind of you to say, and you're right, I'm definitely lucky to have V in my life. For this and many other reasons. And I'll keep working on seeing myself through those eyes.

      -Rye

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  15. I really hope I'm not too late to hop in on this. These comments are abundant!
    Rye and V, -I- am the one that did the call-out that inspired this post. I meant it in the most playful way possible, but I was serious in the questioning. And why? Because, as you can see from the comments, we think you guys are damn sexy and amazing for sharing such an intimate look into your life.

    This post blew my mind. I really have no words. I too, want to hug you (and possibly other things haha. You were right about that junk o'yours)((No offense hitting on your man V!))

    The comments are nice. They are the truth. We all have our hangups, trust. But I agree with each and every one above because that's how WE see you. Keep blogging this shit up guys, we love it (and you!)

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    1. Well then I owe you some thanks for helping inspiring this post. And for allowing me to explain where I come from with this stuff. It's definitely something I've been thinking about, but needed that final nudge to get to this place and really own up to it.

      Oh, and my junk (and the rest of me) thanks you for the kind words! We'll definitely be keeping it up (blog AND junk)!

      -Rye

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  16. Pt 1 of 2.
    Wow. Thank you for your candor, your honesty, and your pictures.

    My self-image issues seem to be the same as yours. Thank you for sharing that there might be guys out there that have these issues. I heard one time recently that a guy's self-image is dictated somewhere around when he's 16-17. At that age I was a spindly, acne-riddled, goofy-glasses-wearing, all-in-all NERD who was relentlessly bullied from about 2nd grade through senior year, and who certainly had no hope of ever putting my penis anywhere near a vagina (this doesn't mean I didn't want to, oh my god no). I did manage to rid myself of the glasses, and the acne sort of handled itself (thankfully with no real scars to speak of). I still see myself as that kid though. I realize that I have put on some weight since then, and I can look at pictures of myself and realize I look different, but I don't see it through other people's eyes. My girlfiend tells me I'm one of the better looking guys out there, going as far as to describe me as "beautiful." I always tell her she's flattering me, although I'm happy for the compliment, but somehow it just doesn't make sense to me.

    An interesting sidebar here - my ex-wife would, on occasion, tell me I was nice looking. She never told me about any of her friends even hinting at the same. My girlfriend would tell me I'm good looking, and then proceed to tell me about a couple of her friends who had very complimentary things to say about my looks. It's flattering and nice to hear, but I never know quite what to say, and tend to get embarrassed, not sure how to react. Maybe from years of having a "don't look at her, she might be better looking than me, and she damn sure won't think you're good looking, so it's not even worth it for you to try" edict from the wife, thus causing some kind of perverse inability to take a compliment.

    Another interesting point she makes is that someone as "good looking" as me is usually an asshole. I think this has more to do with her past experience with guys, which hasn't always been good, to say the least. I always come back to that with the fact that I just don't see myself as good looking. I see a goofy, bullied nerd when I look in the mirror. Which means to me that I better compensate by being really goddam friendly, or no one would ever want to talk to me. Goofy looking and a jerk? Get lost. Goofy looking and friendly? Maybe you'll get a second chance. On the other hand, good looking and a jerk? He gets get lost, but only after being allowed to be a jerk for an extended period, proving himself as such, and ruining it for the nice guys out there. (Sort of on the principle of "it's better to remain silent and be thought an idiot than to speak and remove all doubt." Maybe more like "it's better to speak kindly and show that you're better inside than outside than to look good outside, be all bad inside, speak, and thus prove the point." I suppose that doesn't roll off the tongue quite as nicely.)

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  17. Pt 2 of 2

    In another correlation to your post here, I lived a long time (7 years) of (what I now realize was) a sexless marriage. Maybe once a month. Maybe. We'd run into spurts of doing it more often, maybe 2-3 times in one week, but then scale it back to the once a month. My girlfriend has a sex drive more like my own. More like "What? It's been 36 hours? We gotta get on this!" I only hope we aren't both compensating from our previous relationships. We're both in therapy (separately), and I only hope that we don't both get "cured" of our troubles and then realize we have too much sex, and that we should tone it way back. That 2-3 times a month is normal (it's not -- i've done research - extensive research).

    Whatever, though. I'll continue to be friendly, because I'll continue to see myself as that nerdy kid, probably until I'm dead, just as you will, Rye. Maybe someday I'll see what she's talking about, but I doubt it. One thing for sure though, I won't stop her from telling me that. Even if I might not see what she's talking about, even disagree, I'll let her say it. It is a nice ego-stroke, to hear that.

    By the way, she and I like to joke that we really are you guys. You have a very similar background to me, she has a very similar bckground to Violet. And we're both SUPER foodies. Listening to my Italian girlfriend talk about food and cooking is like watching a really awesome porno. Where the people are astonishingly good looking and you can tell they actually care about getting each other off. But i digress. When she saw this post on Monday, she was almost certain that you and I really are the same person living in some sort of parallel Boston-Brooklyn universe. It's fairly amusing.

    Keep up the awesome posts!

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    1. WOW! I'm seriously overwhelmed that my post could inspire such a lovely and well stated response! I'm really, really glad you shared that with us, I can't even express enough gratitude.

      And fuck yeah, joking about being us! That's the fun of anonymity, isn't it? Could be anyone...

      -Rye

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  18. I read this post thinking my boyfriend could have written it. He's obscenely hot, and has NO IDEA. The self image from high school is pervasive.

    This post was brave, raw, and so sexy. It seems almost a societal taboo for men to speak openly about any insecurity, but we all have them. Kudos. Now, to attend to the lady boner looking at your naked body produced...

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    1. That's rad. Both the lady boner and the whole being able to smash a little taboo along with it. Yep, dudes definitely feel this stuff, we're just hard pressed to admit it. Thanks for the kind words, and good on you for scoring a fox, and even more for letting him know he's a fucking fox.

      -Rye

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  19. Are you one of the insufferable characters on Girls?

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    1. Glad you enjoy saying shitty things to people online anonymously.

      -Rye

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  20. Rye - late reply to say you are Hot and you and V are lucky to have each other. I love your honesty and bravery here. Keep it up! Much love and respect, Nat

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    1. Thanks so much Nastassja, that really means a lot!

      -Rye

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  21. Rye....
    Violets got the right idea!! She's only appreciating, what a large amount of us girls do. I have myself a beautiful fella, much like yourself, (maybe swap around sexual partner scores, he's far more experienced and im an open monogamous with only 2 others under my belt), a manly man, with a sensual feminine side, who's got a body of pure awesomeness. Little guys are the bomb, a finer frame means a nimbler lover and just like my partner, im very much appreciating your body. Glad you had the balls to out your issues and give us a peek! and if i was violet, i'd most likely be objectifying you regularly too! she's also, the bomb! love from australia

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    1. Thanks so much for the kind words! We always love to hear stories like this from you guys. Happy I could share this bit about myself and connect with others in such a way. And yes, Violet's definitely been objectifying me plenty...

      -Rye

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  22. Nothing wrong Rye, all good! Good to hear that you got over your exes lack of desire - her problem and hey I can only feel sorry for her because faced with you and no desire maybe masks deeper problems within her pysche that only she may know about and needs to explore having been there done that... I can vouch for it. BTW you have a very fine dick Rye!

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    1. Thanks! It was certainly a long road to travel, but I feel good about myself now and where I'm at. Oh, and my cock appreciates your love!

      -Rye

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