Why Don't You Shove It Up Your Ass? I'd Be Happy To!

Anyone that reads this here blog knows by now that I'm an ass man. And while yes, that means I'm very much into Violet's ass (eating it, fingering it, fucking it, sucking it), I'm also all about my own tight backdoor.

We've recently ventured into the world of pegging, which, I can't even tell you how world changing that was. And while pegging is fucking hot, sometimes V's not around. And just because we're married and have an unreal sex life doesn't mean I don't also take care of business on my own. And vice versa.

While I want this pretty much always, sometimes your wife goes out of town.

So sometimes, when you're home alone, it's the simple pleasures that get you through. No, not my fingers. It's us we're talking about, so why just use fingers when you have a little more? I'm of course talking about prostate massagers.

I've already got the Naughty Boy and am a big fan of it, that vibrating bullet is supercharged, but the contours really sell it. It was the same contours that drew me to the Pandora, by Vibratex. Offered by our friends at Eden Fantasys, purveyors of fine sex toys, I decided it was my turn to play, since V got the last go round.

Behold: A new friend.

Advertised as a P and G-Spot massager, I'm only here to speak about the former, since Violet was gone this weekend (also the reason for the lack of photos, hard to get a shot of your ass when you've got your hands, and ass, so full). She had no idea what she was missing.

Let's start with the killer aspects of the Pandora:

1) Contours. Holy shit.

2) Soft. Really. Really.

3) The bump. This is kinda covered in "contours" above. But you wanted to know more specifics, didn't you? Anyway, that fucking bump is awesome. Bump, you may be asking? I don't really know what else to call it. But it's important. That little bulge in the center that pops right into your ass and makes it feel even more delicious as you pull it out. And then go back in. And then pull back out. And then go back in.

4) It stays in! I've had difficulty in the past with toys not staying in as I wrangle with my cock. Or stuff V's pussy. But this guy tucks right up there. Which, if there's any upside to the #2 downside below, it's this. If it offered perineum stimulation, I probably couldn't pull my underwear back on and wash the dishes while plugging my asshole. Speaking of which, I should make a mess of the kitchen so I can do this RIGHT NOW.

5) The hard curve. You'll notice that the Pandora comes to a rather fine, curvy point. This is good. Really good. It tucks right in there and hits the P-Spot beautifully. And vibrated my entire inner core.

6) Variation. It's got 7 different speeds. Like a Rabbit, but in your ass. It pulses, hits three different levels of direct vibration, does the build up and slow down thing, and generally kicks fucking ass. While I love that Naughty Boy, the bullet in that one only offers one dish. This puppy has more side courses than a Jewish holiday.

But nothing is perfect, #amiright? Let's get to the few downsides:

1) Too soft? It flexes a LOT at the flared base when you're inserting. And it felt a little like I might break it. I didn't. But then my asshole has been empty in recent weeks, so maybe I was just especially tight as I worked it in.

2) No perineum stimulation. This a big selling point on the Naughty Boy, since it tucks right up there and hugs that all important spot.

3) That's it. Seriously. It's GOOD.

Buy one. Fucking buy one.

Did I say fuck too much? Fuck.

*This product was provided to us free of charge by Eden Fantasys in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines. If legal jargon gets you wet, you're welcome, perverts.