We've had a few conversations lately, with each other and with friends, about expectations. We think there is probably an expectation that we bang each other in every moment of spare time we have. Listen, we don't want to freak you out, people who have expectations, but we do have to feed and bathe ourselves occasionally.
But seriously, we go through phases just like everyone else. Often, we enjoy using toys/hands/mouths to get each other off, we never even get to the straight P in Vagee Sex. Sometimes it's all blowjobs all the time. Sometimes, we're in the mood for anal. Sometimes - like lately - we're in the mood to drink a few cocktails after work, strip our clothes off, hop into bed and get down to some hardcore sleeping.
We all have dry spells. They don't always last a long time. They don't always indicate that there is a deep and serious issue of communication (or lack thereof) lurking below. Sometimes we just get tired, stressed out or busy. Those times are always brought to a close by one of our libidos going, "Heeeeyyyyyy." This time, it was Rye. He woke up yesterday morning with a rather serious boner. After I left for an early morning at work, he rubbed one out. He made sure to mention this to me during my long afternoon at work. I came home and we had our aforementioned bang-fest (accidentally?) in fairly plain view of our large, open window. We then went relatively quickly back to the hardcore sleeping I mentioned above, where I had exclusively sexy dreams. One in which I came 100% hands-free. You see how these things snowball?
What we want to know is: how do you break out of a rut? Is it a conversation that does it? Someone coming home with a flushed face and a hard cock? Do you rip clothes off? Do you snuggle? Do you make out? We love to know what makes you guys tick and what pulls you back into the world of sweaty skin on skin when you feel out of it. You know... for inspiration. And boners.
Thanks for this. I think one of the unintentional harms we people who blog about our sex lives do is contribute to the sense of inadequacy that often accompanies those occasional periods (or even sustained episodes) of sexlessness, lower libido, diminished desire, etc.
ReplyDeleteI've always thought that, generally speaking, us couples get about the amount of sex that we want. And given that sometimes we don't have that much, it's a good indication that sometimes we don't WANT that much.
There's no need to lump self-judgement on top of ourselves when that happens.
Thanks for reminding us that super-sexy, super-sexual people sometimes opt NOT to have sex.
This is so reassuring! Thank you, and thank you V and R.
DeleteAs for me - it's usually slow, lazy, close morning sex that gets things going again. Chatting away in the early morning leads to snuggle leads to hello lovely penis.
Exactly! We realized that people probably think we're just non-stop banging machines. Sometimes we drink too much and fall asleep!
Delete- Violet.
I think communication is definitely the key...if you are honest with your partner the respect for each other will not make the other feel unwanted. For us, it comes down to cuddling, a massage in the buff or some nice kissing...then the juices flow and game on! Oh and it helps when the kids aren't around!!
ReplyDeleteTotally. Just TALKING about things is an often-overlooked step.
Delete- Violet.
Sometimes we end a dry spell when one of us gets over-the-top horny enough to end it. Sometimes I have to force my mind & body to get with the program and do it for the greater good. Either way, the end result is the same - we're back in a good place after we fuck.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. Even though logically I know that you two are a real couple with real lives, and real shit going down, I occasionally hold you up as magical sex gods who never quit. If possible, you're even more my heros now. xo
Aw shucks. You are the sweetest. And yes, we find that we always want more after we break the streak.
Delete- Violet.
I have two jobs on top of being the one in charge to clean up the operations at a place while being a part-time stay at home dad. Sometimes I want to and she doesn't because she's too tired from working all day. Sometimes she wants to and I can't because either I've already masturbated and not feeling it anymore or I have too much on my mind.
ReplyDeleteThe times when we do get in sync...oh la la!
We definitely struggle with life getting in the way sometimes, as well. Here's the syncing times increasing!
Delete- Violet.
I work 12 hour rotating shifts. I often get in a rut transitioning from night shifts back onto day shift. Consequently, she is always waiting for me to get my libido back in check.
ReplyDeleteWhat has been doing it for me lately is sexting. Its just in the last 6 months that I have gotten into this very strange form of communication.
A friend at work suggested Kik a free texting app for iphone (how did I ever live without my iphone?). It started innocently enough with me daring her to show some skin.
We now have so many naughty pics and videos I had to get a new app to secure them all in.
I kind of use these naughty pics to show her what I'd like when the boys go to sleep.
Needless to say, she never says no.
Btw, we love you guys. Please keep up the great posts. You keep giving us great ideas.
Isn't technology wonderful? So glad you guys are putting it to good use!
Delete- Violet.
Sometimes i think the best part of a rut is getting out of it. Me and the absolute love of my life were having deep discussion on our way to get a milk shake sun and came to the conclusion that sex wasnt the fiber that held us together like we had so often thought. Its strawberry chocolate mixed milkshakes. Lol we have come a long way in five years it use to be two hour marathon sex and me saying damn still no orgasm to flicking my tongue on the tip of her finger just to get the milkshake off and her having the most intense orgasm she has ever had. And yes she took a hardcore nap the rest of the ride home. Lol thank you both for a wonderful blog keep up the great work
ReplyDeleteThat's really amazing! Thanks so much for sharing, we're really glad to hear that, as it should be, time has made you understand each others bodies so well, and that there's plenty of hardcore napping happening after those milkshakes.
Delete-Rye
I've been in a bit of a solo rut the past couple weeks and was beginning to worry I'd masturbated myself to boredom town. But this morning I woke up with that familiar tingle between my legs, so I came here to check out your latest smutty offerings, and what do I find, but a blog post making me feel ok about everything. You guys are awesome!
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you're back to it! And yeah, we ALL go through phases, even the most sexed among us. It's getting back on that horse (or cock) that's important.
Delete-V
It always boils down to talking with us...doesn't matter if we are cuddling in bed, driving together, or texting. When we start to dote on the other person through words, the actions just flow naturally and then before you know it there is an inferno going!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post V+R! Having a solid relationship when you're not having a ton of sex is exactly what it takes to get back to the great sex.
Couldn't agree more, Nastassja. It's always an avalanche with us as well!
Delete- Violet.