Dudes Who Give Us Lady Boners.

And now, the beginning of a new series: Dudes Who Give Us Lady Boners.

Uh, clearly when I say "us", I mean me. Although, Rye is capable of so many things, let's not cross getting a lady boner off the list.

So... anyway, this is Rob Delaney. Aside from the fact that he looks like a larger, less goateed Peter Dinklage (did I mention that I have a crush on Peter Dinklage? Enjoy that tidbit, folks.), he is one of the funniest people left on this planet post-rapture.

Now, general dashing good looks, filthy sense of humor and fucking terrible (wonderful) attitude aside, this guy writes a VICE column that I really want you guys to read. A fucking glorious excerpt follows below:

I’m guessing she wrote me because a lot of my jokes are about women’s bodies. I talk about bushes, big thighs, saggy boobs, gaps in women’s teeth, big noses, and more. Sure, I think it’s funny, but the fact is, I really do dig that stuff. And I’m not alone. My guy friends and I have a much broader palate when it comes to women’s bodies than Maxim or Cosmopolitan would lead you to believe. And I’m not putting this forth to sound noble; what I’m saying is absolutely a variation on “Guys’ll fuck anything.” But I’d like to expand that and say, “Guys’ll fuck anything, and they’ll enjoy it. AND they’ll fuck it again. AND they’ll even be nice to it and tell it it’s beautiful and take it to dinner and listen to its dreams and fuck it exclusively and brag about how happy they are to be doing it to their other guy friends who reject the notion (as vehemently as any Women’s Studies major at Wesleyan) that women should fit into some unforgiving, unvarying Barbie mold.”

It's just that more dudes need to talk about pussy this way. I mean, more dudes need to talk about women this way, quite frankly. Read the rest of this glorious and hilarious ode to our under-sunshined parts and fragile sensibilities here. Follow Rob on twitter here. Find his address and phone number here. JUST KIDDING, you guys. It is so fucking creepy that you thought I'd do that (I would totally do that). I've said fucking a lot in this post. I guess maybe I have something on the brain?