Artisanal Pencil Sharpening.

If you've been following along for a while, you know pretty well by now that we live in Brooklyn. And that we love it.

However, we'll openly admit to much of the ridiculous shit that goes on here, and absolutely welcome all that wish to make fun of it. But anyone that wishes to do so should probably give up, because you'll never succeed better than David Rees.

While sure, this video takes place in Beacon, NY, we all know it's a riff on the Brooklyn dream. The dream of taking up some oddly specific craft and bringing pretentious assholery to it. Whether its pickles brined in the tears of your lost childhood or a tattoo artist that only uses inks made from beet juice (neither of these things is real, but might as well be), David's brilliantly dry satire will call you out.

Sure, it's a little long. But for the funniest video I've seen come along in months, it's totally worth digging in. After all, "pencils are, in a lot of ways, the opposite of the internet."

Polka Dots and Lace.

You didn't think the photos of V eating cotton candy in her panties were the ONLY photos we took that afternoon, did you? That doesn't really sound like us, does it?

Thought so.

Lit Up.

There are times before you hop into bed, totally nude, ready to get some.
Times when Rye stops you in the doorway.
Times when he tells you to stay still.
That you look stunning.
Reaches for the camera.
You listen.

These are the results.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Water Weight.

There was a time, a little over a year ago, when we drove down South with a couple of friends. It was a long car ride, where we listened to lots of music, good and bad. Had lots of conversations, short and long. And made plenty of jokes, hilarious and just plain stupid.

During one of these conversations, we somehow got into the subject of squirting (imagine that). While both women admitting to not having experienced this, I could say that I've been witness to the majesty. And what a majesty it is. The major question that came up, however, was "where is the stuff stored?" And if it's being stored, wouldn't that add a few pounds of ejaculate fluid to your body weight? Is THAT what we mean by "water weight"???

As we watched this video, we couldn't help but reel back to that conversation. There is just SO much come! SO much. It just keeps pouring out of her. It's fascinating. And yes, it's also fucking hot.

Polka Dots and Cotton Candy.

Sometimes, there's maple cotton candy at the farmers' market. You might not know this, but maple cotton candy goes REALLY well with underwear.

Half-Smoke Worship

If you've never been to Ben's Chili Bowl, you've never been to one of my favorite places on the planet. Just in case you are one of these poor lost souls, we found you this.

The History of Ben's Chili Bowl from Zoeann Murphy on Vimeo.

I've got a thing for late night greasy spoons (in case you had not already guessed), and I was in love with Ben's the first time I ever crossed the threshold. There isn't much that I can say better than Bill Cosby and the Ali family, so watch and drool for yourself. And let's go get a half-smoke next time we're in DC. Happy weekend, chili faces.

Sometimes You Don't.

You guys know what we're all about. We're all about rubbing our bodies on one another. We're all about talking about it, sharing it and (we hope) helping others do the same. But also, we're all about honesty. And guys? Sometimes you feel like a fuck, sometimes you don't.

We've had a few conversations lately, with each other and with friends, about expectations. We think there is probably an expectation that we bang each other in every moment of spare time we have. Listen, we don't want to freak you out, people who have expectations, but we do have to feed and bathe ourselves occasionally.

You Feel That, Right?

Can you feel it? The warm breeze on the back of your neck? The sting of sunshine on your bare feet? The steam burn of a too-hot crawfish right out of the boil? Yeah. Us too.

Memorial Day Crawfish Boil from Jen Tank on Vimeo.

I mean, yes, this video is a little shaky, a little all over the place, but isn't that kind of how memories of summer feel? I mean, you could lay Louis' rendition of La Vie En Rose over a Civil War re-enactment and I would think it's super romantic (no offense to any Living Historians* in our midst). There's also something surprisingly charming about capturing the faces of people expecting to be photographed on video. Big smiles, held for just a little too long, with a beer in your hand. That's kind of the framework we're building our lives on here.

We're so close, everyone. Now, if you'll excuse us, our roof and our beer coozies are calling. Happy weekend, lovelies!

* But seriously, what are you people doing with your lives? 

Music to Strip By.

Have you ever stripped?

We're talking professionally, in a club. Or as part of a burlesque troupe. Or even just at home, for a partner. Have you ever done it?

 

Joy of Cooking, Topless.

You know how we love our food by now. But we haven't displayed it much in photos. Mostly because the light in our kitchen is terrible. It doesn't get a lot of natural light, and the overheads are that particular type of terrible, yet energy saving, bulb.

But sometimes, when V's making spanikopita like a Greek grandmother, you say fuck it to those lights. And you ask her to take that top off while she does it.*

Joy of cooking is right!

A Bit of Advice: On Foursomes and Pegging.

Hi folks, love your kinky sex fun...was wondering if you ever have a foursome with another beautiful couple like you two? I'd sure love to see that activity and jackoff to it too. Anyway, keep fucking and letting us watch, gives me a good boner...

No, we most certainly haven't involved anyone else. Not to say that we never would, but if we did, it would likely be a third, not a third AND a fourth.

Best Public Sex?

Last week on Twitter, we posed the question, "What was your best experience with public sex? Where was it? (Not actual location.) Beach? Forest?" We thought perhaps a few people would respond, but you guys really enjoyed this one. So did we. Without further adieu, a compilation of our filthy Twitter followers' public sex adventures!

Woman.

Hey dudes, dance party.

Woman from redkedscom on Vimeo.

On this Good Friday, we wanted to bring a little GoodMOTHEROFGODFRIDAY. You know, porn can take itself awfully seriously sometimes. Every once in a while, we like it to make us giggle, jump up and down and then deal with our boners. Also, the fact that this appears to be soundtracked to some unholy LCD Soundsystem/Wolfmother combination is treating us just fine. Stick around for the breakdown at 1:28. You won't be sorry.

Women of the world, thank you for shaking your asses on camera. Get ready to bust those shorts out, everyone! I feel real spring coming!

An Interview with Sophie Delancey.

This week, we were lucky enough to participate in an interview with Sophie Delancey. If you don't know Sophie, you should. She's the PR and Marketing Coordinator for Camille Crimson and Mike Flirt's company, and she does a damn fine job at it. She blogs for Peeperz, WHACK! Magazine, Girlz Porn, and  she's also got a pretty damn sexy Tumblr. 

Met Another Frog, another site Sophie blogs for (I know, right? SO many blogs! We're seriously impressed) has asked her to do a series of interviews, entitled "Just a Little Sex," and we were chosen as the subject of her second piece.

You can read a few snippets below, but check out the full interview here.

Advice from the Mailbag.

Hey guys, your blog is fantastic. I have a question for you, and I think this is the correct medium to ask it...

My boyfriend is 24, I'm 18, and one of the biggest issues in our relationship is that he's just not that interested in sex. I am a VERY sexual person, i.e. the accounts of your day with Rye (or vice versa) are basically my ideal. I'm not unattractive, I love my body, but I feel as if this extremely important part of myself is ignored. If I try to initiate sex, 9.5 times out of ten I'm turned down. Either that, or he'll say no to me and then five minutes later 'relent' as if its some huge chore. He's told me that there's not much point to sex for him. I feel rejected and unfulfilled. When I've told him of how much it affects me, he tells me to either accept him as he is or leave.

He loves cuddling and less sexual forms of physical contact. But I NEED sexual connection.

What could contribute to his lack of interest? As far as I know, most guys would kill to have someone like me, at least in the sexual fulfillment department.

photography by Mark Maggior

We're so glad you like the blog. Thank you so much for reaching out. 

As to your question: yowsa. What a terrible position for an 18 year old to be in. The first and most important thing I'd like to say to you is that this is probably not because of something you are doing or not doing. In, fact, it probably has very little to do with you and a lot to do with your boyfriend, his past sexual experiences, and the emotional imprint they left on him. 

But, We Do Love You.

Oh no. How did I not see this until now?

"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.

There are some serious moments of genius in here. The Bettie Page hairdo? The boob jiggling? The butt shaking? The leopard teddy? I'm sighing. And watching it again. You too, right?

A Brief Missive on Ladyporn and How I Really Feel About Bubble Baths.

After telling our few friends about our blog, not only were they terribly kind and supportive, but it also shifted our relationship dynamic to a point where we're now able to have hours-long conversations about sex. What we like. What we don't. How we feel about porn. Open relationships and threesomes. And why not? After all, that's what we do here, (and they've seen a LOT of us through the blog), so what's to hide? And we've gotta tell you, it's brutally refreshing to be able to have these discourses with people we hang with multiple times each week.

Also, sometimes it leads to you asking if they ever feel like getting some of this on paper and guest posting. And they send you this a mere few hours later. And it's brilliant. And honest. And hot. And funny. And REAL. We hope you enjoy this as much as we did.

Oh, and if you're anything like us, you're gonna read this and say, "MORE PLEASE, NOW!" So let's all refer to her as Red when we do make that request.

A Brief Missive on Ladyporn and How I Really Feel About Bubble Baths.

by Red.

Guys! I want to talk to you about a terrible word. I am sorry that this might hurt, and not in a good way, but it's sort of been following me a lot lately and I wanted to talk about it because Violet and Rye said I could. I want to talk about what it means when we say "ladyporn." 

It has its purposes, certainly. We all know that Rachael Rabbit White claimed this word last year for a celebration of real porn for real women. Or do we? Until I googled the word five minutes ago, I didn't. What I did know was that last month a popular website had a "Twitter party" wherein they encouraged followers to tweet their idea of ladyporn, which included some pretty edgy shit like bubble baths, red wine, and pictures of Ryan Gosling. I know, too that the word came up in conversations about whether the term "chick lit" described a valid literary genre. I know that people I actually respect have used that hashtag in reference to things they regard as romantic or guilty pleasures. People I respect less have used it to talk about Twilight.

You know the problem, sort of, framed through Violet and Rye's own post "The Good Porn Problem." You know it in a slicker, entrepreneurial mindset through Cindy Gallop and Make Love Not Porn. But there is this, too, this slightly separate problem of porn and women: what the hell are we talking about when we talk about porn, and how do we contextualize it? Like you, I want there to be places to go online and in the world where there's a distinction between "good porn" and "bad porn"; I want that content to be as curated to my tastes as the music, art, and lifestyle blogs and publications I frequent. But I also want to know that when I say the word "porn", I'm not talking about a romantic comedy or a bubble bath, and it terrifies me to think that those are dialogues being created by women, who are unwittingly doing as much to create the gap between real sex and porn-as-we-know-it as the men who grow up thinking that sex is about coming on a woman's face.