Delicately Manipulating Our Carnal Chords.

What I am about to show you reduced me to a drooling, babbling mess that could not complete a sentence until I ate sushi for lunch. I wish I were exaggerating. If I were exaggerating, it would make me a much more normal, sane and productive person. But, since that is no fun, the single most staggering piece of food porn I've seen in months. Click play right now, please.

Okay. How do you feel? Are you alright? Here is what I just said to Rye about this, "I mean that piece of tuna is just the most vaginal-- look. I want to put it in my mouth. I want to hold it there and appreciate it, then chew it, swallow it, and make it become a part of my body."

I don't know, you guys. The way this is filmed, the color on each piece of sushi, individually, the care with which he brushes each piece with exactly the correct amount of soy. It stirs something guttural within me. Something carnal. It delicately manipulates the same chord that great porn does. Which, clearly, is why we share this motherfucking nerdery with you all. Because we know you agree.

Oh, darling, you have some drool on the front of your shirt. Let's get you out of those wet clothes. Right after we go immediately for sushi.