Cunnilinged.

If you follow us on Twitter, you know that we were on a tear this Sunday. It's a tear we've been on before, and it's a tear we'll undoubtedly be on again. But it all boils down to one simple fact:

Men have great terms for getting oral sex. Women don't.

FUCK that. As someone that LOVES the act of going down on a woman, I'm offended. And I don't even have a pussy, so I know how women must feel.

A favorite pastime, in my bearded phase.

Men: Fellatio, blowjobs. We could expand this list, but those are the common two, so let's start there.

"I woke up this morning to blowjob in progress."
"My wife has fellated me three times this week, I'm basically a king."
"Blowjobs are better than almost everything the world has to offer."

Women: Cunnilingus, eating pussy*. Again, there are others, but these are the common terms.

"My husband woke me up and gave me three orgasms from cunnilingus."
"I got my pussy eaten thrice this week."
"He cunnilinged me for hours yesterday, so he's basically my favorite human."

*For the record, we don't really love the term "eating pussy" or "ate pussy" or "pussy eaten". It's all just a bit blucky, isn't it?

Right, so you get the point? But this piece isn't really about solving that, but more of a complaint, followed by a tale of our lengthy day of discussing the act of tonguing the vagina.

The terminology came up because after I woke up, I cunnilinged Violet twice, pretty much right in a row. Then I went to get us coffee, saving my screaming erection for later, and making up for all the shitty dudes she gave head to and never reciprocated. Also, she got me a hangover solving quickie on Friday and I definitely felt like she was deserving of some unreciprocated muff diving*.

*Again, totally gross.

So she then tried to report this tale to Twitter, but came up with issues trying to properly say it, due to the lacking terminology. But then we both remembered our vow to just call oral sex in general a blowjob. So she got two blowjobs when she woke up, then I got us coffee. It worked.

Later that day, an old piece of ours, 10 Rules to Eating Pussy, which was a sort of humorous list that sprang from a conversation with some lovely Twitter friends, started to blow up again, thanks to social media.

Naturally, we shared this piece, since it went right along with our day. And then something amazing happened. Cindy Gallop read our little diatribe about giving blowjobs to ladies, and shared her own personal favorite entry on the subject. And holy shit, is it a doozy?

Written by Gavin McInnes for Vice, the piece is fucking hilarious, spot on, direct and quite in depth. If you've never read it before, go do so. If you have, maybe read it again.

Personally, after reading the piece, despite having already cunnilnged Violet twice that day, I followed her as she went to flip the record, pulled her pants right off and ate her pussy as she stood there, trying to decide what to play. Shortly after, she decided "fuck music" and I took her to the bed to finish the job (BLOWJOB).

Hopefully you read it and are inspired for much of the same, regardless of the end you're on.