3.08.2012

Cunnilinged.

If you follow us on Twitter, you know that we were on a tear this Sunday. It's a tear we've been on before, and it's a tear we'll undoubtedly be on again. But it all boils down to one simple fact:

Men have great terms for getting oral sex. Women don't.

FUCK that. As someone that LOVES the act of going down on a woman, I'm offended. And I don't even have a pussy, so I know how women must feel.

A favorite pastime, in my bearded phase.
Men: Fellatio, blowjobs. We could expand this list, but those are the common two, so let's start there.

"I woke up this morning to blowjob in progress."
"My wife has fellated me three times this week, I'm basically a king."
"Blowjobs are better than almost everything the world has to offer."

Women: Cunnilingus, eating pussy*. Again, there are others, but these are the common terms.

"My husband woke me up and gave me three orgasms from cunnilingus."
"I got my pussy eaten thrice this week."
"He cunnilinged me for hours yesterday, so he's basically my favorite human."

*For the record, we don't really love the term "eating pussy" or "ate pussy" or "pussy eaten". It's all just a bit blucky, isn't it?

Right, so you get the point? But this piece isn't really about solving that, but more of a complaint, followed by a tale of our lengthy day of discussing the act of tonguing the vagina.

The terminology came up because after I woke up, I cunnilinged Violet twice, pretty much right in a row. Then I went to get us coffee, saving my screaming erection for later, and making up for all the shitty dudes she gave head to and never reciprocated. Also, she got me a hangover solving quickie on Friday and I definitely felt like she was deserving of some unreciprocated muff diving*.

*Again, totally gross.

So she then tried to report this tale to Twitter, but came up with issues trying to properly say it, due to the lacking terminology. But then we both remembered our vow to just call oral sex in general a blowjob. So she got two blowjobs when she woke up, then I got us coffee. It worked.

Later that day, an old piece of ours, 10 Rules to Eating Pussy, which was a sort of humorous list that sprang from a conversation with some lovely Twitter friends, started to blow up again, thanks to social media.

Naturally, we shared this piece, since it went right along with our day. And then something amazing happened. Cindy Gallop read our little diatribe about giving blowjobs to ladies, and shared her own personal favorite entry on the subject. And holy shit, is it a doozy?

Written by Gavin McInnes for Vice, the piece is fucking hilarious, spot on, direct and quite in depth. If you've never read it before, go do so. If you have, maybe read it again.

Personally, after reading the piece, despite having already cunnilnged Violet twice that day, I followed her as she went to flip the record, pulled her pants right off and ate her pussy as she stood there, trying to decide what to play. Shortly after, she decided "fuck music" and I took her to the bed to finish the job (BLOWJOB).

Hopefully you read it and are inspired for much of the same, regardless of the end you're on.

18 comments:

  1. This is SUCH a great post. Whne I get back home I'll be linking to the Gavin McInnes piece!

    Thank you for the fantastic pic too xxxxxx

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    1. Aw, thanks so much! The Gavin piece is really fucking stellar, glad you dug it.

      -Rye

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  2. I love "getting head" and it works for both sexes. Although you could argue that head isn't an accurate way to describe it because you're getting mouth/tongue/whatever. Just give me head, thank you very much!
    P.S. followed all the links
    P.P.S. enjoyed them all
    P.P.P.S. very hot 'n bothered (;

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    1. Indeed, getting or giving head is definitely good for all genders.

      And we'd apologize for getting you all worked up, but isn't that why you're here? Happy to achieve our goal!

      -Rye

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  3. Ooooohhhhh Im in some serious need of a face between my legs right now. Somebody cunniling me! Stat!

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  4. I am a cunning linguist, for sure.

    Have you seen the episode of South Park (http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/103354/hot-for-teacher) in which a variety of possibilities are discussed?

    Here are the two I'm currently deploying in my life: Giving dome (I think the kids are using this unisex-ly these days), and face-fucking (also unisex, general-purpose).

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    1. Nice! Love fellow fans of cunnilingus. And no, don't think we've seen that one, perhaps we'll have to take a look!

      And face fucking is always a delight! Giving dome, though, not totally sure about. It's the dome part, seems odd somehow.

      -Rye

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  5. Gods, there is nothing I love more than going down on a woman. And you're right, there aren't many good euphemisms for it. My lover recently introduced me to a new one for it, though: Australian kiss.

    http://www.theblogger.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/389901_10150491026548441_177762028440_8796254_790413546_n.jpg

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Australian%20Kiss

    Still naughty, but thankfully not demeaning to anyone. ;)

    (Can't wait for her to get back home from her trip...)

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    1. Lovely! We've actually heard of this before, Australia must be delighted to own that terminology!

      -Rye

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  6. I usually say eating pussy or sucking cock when we are in the heat of the moment and it works for me because it's when I want to be as dirty as I can possibly get my lips to be(no pun intended). I'm a little reserved with dirty talk. :) Much easier to blog about it. If I am shy/new situation/writing, sometimes I say going down or giving head.

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    1. We've found that talking dirty is just like anything else, in that it takes a little practice and a willingness to look foolish. But yeah, we're big on the pussy eating and cock sucking talk in the heat of it all as well.

      -Rye

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  7. I love love love to eat pussy. Before I was sexually active, the only thing i knew was that i didn't know anything, but I sure wanted to try that. The first time i ever got my face between a girl's legs, i was hooked. Since then, I've only given 2 other girls head. My current partner loves it. So it works out pretty well that I'm very enthusiastic about it. She tells me I'm good at it. We read this post together, and she said she dosn't care what i call it, as long as I'll continue doing it. I'm happy to oblige her, whatever it's called (though nothing turns me on as much as when we're fucking and she tells me to "go down on me." Yes ma'am)

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    1. HOT! Good work, Noah! Gotta love another pussy man out there. No woman is ever going to not like enthusiasm for eating pussy. And we're fucking thrilled to hear that you read us together! Always lovely to know we can be the type of smut that can be shared.

      -Rye

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  8. Grew a bead and stash for my wife who loved to feel the whiskers on her cunt lips as I licked out her juicy pussy...ahhh the taste of a cunt dripping pussy jizz..do you lick out your own cum out of your wife`s pussy? I always did and gave it to her into her open mouth..she loved it...so fun to do

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    1. I definitely do on occasion. There's a tale somewhere on our blog about it, you'll have to track it down!

      -Rye

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  9. Victorian term we like is "Tipping the Velvet" although I tend to sing something like "Tiptoe through the velvet." Mouth Music. "I'm in the mood for a little pearl jam" or she'll say "Interested in a little pearl jam?" She doesn't like the word blowjob, "I've never thought of it as a job."

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    1. Ha ha! Appreciate any good Tiny Tim reference. And pearl jam just makes me think of the band, who I'm not a fan of, so that won't work for us!

      -Rye

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