5.04.2012

Harmless.

Guys, this is fucking insane. Seriously fucking insane.

After being a bit out of it lately (inconsistent posts, much?), we were alerted to this steaming pile of shit by a few readers, and then again by Dan Savage in this week's podcast (If you don't listen to his podcast, you should be. And watch his MTV show while you're at it, it's enormously heartwarming and full of healthy sexual discussions).

So just what IS this steaming pile of shit of which I speak? Harmless. A film about, GET THIS, a husband that has a box of porn. THAT BRINGS EVIL TO HIS HOME. It possesses his children and ruins his relationship with his wife! I'm dead serious, this is a real thing. After watching, I had to do some research to see if it was an Onion video. It's not.




First issue, as pointed out by Mr. Savage himself, who has a fucking BOX of porn anymore??? That's why we have the internets! I mean, don't get me wrong, Violet and I have several stacks of vintage porn decorating out apartment (think lots of thick bush, soft light and terribly themed photo shoots). And perhaps we're entirely the wrong audience for this message anyway (we definitely are). But seriously, what the fuck? A goddamn box of porn?

Second issue, women are into porn too. So if his box is ruining his relationship with his wife, where's her box? And what's in there? Maybe she just wanks on the internet, like a normal human being living in the shitfucking modern age.

Third issue, of course the children are mesmerized and ruined by it. They're teenagers! They're ALREADY ruined. Those 5-6 years are just a swirl of hormones, rage, frustration, jerking off and experimentation with drugs, booze, pussy, cock, anything you can get your pubescent little hands on. If they didn't find dad's box, maybe they'd be on the internet like a normal fucking teenager, rather than crouching in the woods, whacking it to their dad's stash like some 80's kid.

Fourth, shut the fuck up, Christian fundamentalists. Enough already. Seriously. ENOUGH. You make me hope you simultaneously are and are not funded by like-minded assholes on Kickstarter. I hope you are because seeing this piece of shit in completed form would be a real sight to behold. I hope you aren't because SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU PSEUDO-MORAL ASSBAGS. Go back to protesting abortion clinics, gay funerals or something else you can pretend is a moral and religious obligation and not a sick perversion you've created to fit your hateful worldview.

In the meantime, I'll be over here with my box of porn and my healthy relationship with my lovely wife, probably doing some shit you'd label sodomy.

10 comments:

  1. Seriously, what the actual. A haunted box of porn? Ey? Ah? So many questions!

    Fuck this. I'll be over in my corner with my EVOL BOX OF TEH PR0NZ. Doing evil stuff.

    (excellent post, Rye. x)

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    1. Thank you! It's just, UGH. Shut up, you guys.

      - Rye

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  2. Tell 'em, kid. *fist bump*

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    1. I love it when he gets all fired up.

      - Violet.

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  3. This just looks like a cheap-ass movie with bad actors relying on cliched imagery that doesn't even make any sense .... shouldn't a box of porn be haunted by some slutty-looking hot chick, not some old fashioned lady? and is it the porn that ruins things, or the evil ghost? because when the kid was drawing what scared him, I thought that monster lady was doing her O-face and then was super confused by the modestly dressed lady in the cemetery??

    That evil dead bride (or whatever that is supposed to be) at the car window is hella scary however.....

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    Replies
    1. YES. These are all the insane things that our brains could not figure out either.

      - Violet.

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  4. Been reading through your blog A LOT lately, found it when looking for tips on making home movies ;) Wonderful stuff altogether :)
    Great post as per usual, absolutely love the last sentence made me laugh very hard!

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    1. So glad you liked the rant!

      - Violet.

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  5. That video is a joke, right? Has to be.

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    1. Seriously. This really took loads of research before we figured out it wasn't.

      - Violet.

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