Harmless.

Guys, this is fucking insane. Seriously fucking insane.

After being a bit out of it lately (inconsistent posts, much?), we were alerted to this steaming pile of shit by a few readers, and then again by Dan Savage in this week's podcast (If you don't listen to his podcast, you should be. And watch his MTV show while you're at it, it's enormously heartwarming and full of healthy sexual discussions).

So just what IS this steaming pile of shit of which I speak? Harmless. A film about, GET THIS, a husband that has a box of porn. THAT BRINGS EVIL TO HIS HOME. It possesses his children and ruins his relationship with his wife! I'm dead serious, this is a real thing. After watching, I had to do some research to see if it was an Onion video. It's not.

First issue, as pointed out by Mr. Savage himself, who has a fucking BOX of porn anymore??? That's why we have the internets! I mean, don't get me wrong, Violet and I have several stacks of vintage porn decorating out apartment (think lots of thick bush, soft light and terribly themed photo shoots). And perhaps we're entirely the wrong audience for this message anyway (we definitely are). But seriously, what the fuck? A goddamn box of porn?

Second issue, women are into porn too. So if his box is ruining his relationship with his wife, where's her box? And what's in there? Maybe she just wanks on the internet, like a normal human being living in the shitfucking modern age.

Third issue, of course the children are mesmerized and ruined by it. They're teenagers! They're ALREADY ruined. Those 5-6 years are just a swirl of hormones, rage, frustration, jerking off and experimentation with drugs, booze, pussy, cock, anything you can get your pubescent little hands on. If they didn't find dad's box, maybe they'd be on the internet like a normal fucking teenager, rather than crouching in the woods, whacking it to their dad's stash like some 80's kid.

Fourth, shut the fuck up, Christian fundamentalists. Enough already. Seriously. ENOUGH. You make me hope you simultaneously are and are not funded by like-minded assholes on Kickstarter. I hope you are because seeing this piece of shit in completed form would be a real sight to behold. I hope you aren't because SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU PSEUDO-MORAL ASSBAGS. Go back to protesting abortion clinics, gay funerals or something else you can pretend is a moral and religious obligation and not a sick perversion you've created to fit your hateful worldview.

In the meantime, I'll be over here with my box of porn and my healthy relationship with my lovely wife, probably doing some shit you'd label sodomy.